


Hey Moon (Rydon/Ryden)

by Bandtrashno1



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Ryden - Fandom
Genre: Completed, Gay, M/M, Ryden, Rydon, highschool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 10:57:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 28,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5583229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandtrashno1/pseuds/Bandtrashno1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan's new in town and with his crippling anxiety and past issues with bullying at his last town, school is not going to be easy for him to start fresh. That is, until he meets Brendon, the only person he can count on to make his life less painful than it already is. As school takes an unexpected turn, Ryan finds himself thinking about Brendon as more than a friend...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ryan's POV

"Ryan come help me carry these boxes, there's no way I can do it on my own!"   
My mum calls from behind me. I sigh and turn back around from gazing up at the huge house that stands before me. 

As I walk back up the path I can't help but to notice that this neighbourhood is  quite nice to be honest. Back in England when mum told me we were moving to get away from my crazy dad, It didn't even cross my mind we'd be moving half way across the world to America. 

 

I guess some parts of moving are fun; like the plane journey, driving to your new house where you'd spend the next chapter of your life and just the general feel of starting fresh where no one knows you.   
The hard part is, starting fresh can also be tough. School will be horrific as my anxiety feels the need to kick in everytime I meet new people. As I said, no one will know me.   
How will they react when they find out about me? I've read on the internet American high schools are tough especially when it comes to homophobia and trust me when I say this, I can't go through more beatings every week (perhaps every day if I'm 'extra lucky'). I feel my heart start to beat faster as it thumps heavily in my chest.

 

"Ryan are you okay" My mum asks as she hands me another box. She must have sensed my panic. My mother was always good at detecting emotions in people, even when they try so hard to hide it.  
"Yeah...fine, just excited to move in properly" I say with a slight smile on the end which I'm sure wasn't very convincing, especially if it's mum.  
She gives me a sympathetic look.  
"Okay hun, if you say so. You can take your box of bedroom things and take it to your room if you'd like? I'l be generous and give you some time off" She says with a wink  and goes to collect a few more boxes out the back of our moving van. 

Picking up my box, I walk through the main room which is connected to the kitchen and hurry up the stairs.  
Today has been a long day. I think, collapsing onto my creaky single bed and reaching for my headphones. I put them in and the world and all its problems, school worries, bullies, it all just desolves around me as Billie Joe Armstong's wonderful voice fills my ears. After about 15 minutes I inevitably fall asleep.

(A/N hi! This was a very short, introductory type chapter so don't worry, it will get better.)


	2. Chapter 2- Invasive Thoughts

Brendon's POV

I lay on my bed, thoughts fading in and out of my mind. I know it's dark but I feel that the thoughts that are clouding my mind are misting up the room too.   
Sighing, I go collect my iPod and head to the door, writing a note for my mother as I do so. She won't care anyway. 

 

Normally people don't believe me when I say my mom's horrible to live with yet alone call my mother. The reason she's so awful is because my dad left us when I was 13. Since then, alcohol's become her new best friend, not to mention she'll probably disown me when she finds out I'm gay. It'l hurt more when I hear the words from her even though I used to being called a 'worthless fag' everyday at school. I guess it will hurt more because once apon a time, she loved me. To me It'l just break me knowing she really doesn't care for me. Deep down I always hoped she still would...but her kicking me out will cut the last threads of hope still keeping us together. 

 

Damn, I wish I took a jacket its freezing out here. Shivering, I let my arms wrap around myself in attempts to keep me warm. It worked for a short while but eventually I slipped back into being a quivering mess. The cold fall air mixed with the wind from the river slapped me in the face as I walk half way over the bridge.

 

I always come here when I feel I need to calm down or clear my mind; there's just something about the breeze whipping through my hair while watching the beautiful sunset based along the waters surface. 

I sit down on the ledge of the bridge and sooner or later my mind is pretty much clear, apart from one thing that's been haunting me all day. I go back to school tomorrow. Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate the education part of it (even though some of the teachers can be pricks) the only part I hate is the other people there. Getting bullied is the worst experience anyone can go through. No matter how hard I try I can't get them to leave me alone. 

The beatings still infect their way into my dreams, more like nightmares. Anyway, it's even worse when it happens in reality. The other thing is, people have told me that I need to be confident and then they'll leave me alone. I don't see how being confident will help anyone, especially when it's yourself that's your worst enemy. 

 

The bullies at school have called me horrible things, and it didn't take long until I started to believe them myself. I don't blame them though. If it's anyone's fault it's mine. How can I show up to school and expect them not to call me ugly or fat or any of it for that matter. It's my fault for being in their way and as much as I hate them I really do just want to them to leave me alone for both our sakes. 

 

A second after, a distant sound interrupts my thinking session. I whip round to see a group of tall, well built, people marching in my general direction. They were still far away but I've had experience recognising them.   
Josh, Tyler, Alex and Jack. Shit. My breathing quickens very suddenly as I jump down from the ledge and hear a loud click. "Argh!" I yell, louder than I wanted to as I cling onto my ankle. Seeing the group of 4's heads whip round I start running. Unfortunately not very fast due to my twisted ankle.

"Hey fag, come for some fun?" Shouted Jack.  
I attempted to run faster but it turned out to be more like a frantic hobble. Panic filled my system as they caught up to me.   
It was dark and we were now in the woods. The leader of the group Alex was the first one to approach me.  
"Aw look what we've found lads" he smirked, not taking his eyes off me. 

"I've got to say little brenny boy we've missed you" Jack chimed in. Tyler came up in between them and spat right in my eyes. Because I was cornered with my back to a tree, I had no where to go as they all came closer and Alex took his first punch. 

A crippling pain in my right cheek sprung to the surface and I fell to the floor. Another pain suddenly appears in waist. I look round right as Josh's boot smashes into my chest. I feel all air leave my body as I lay there struggling to breath, kick after kick hits me. Each one snatching a small fragment of hope from me. 

About 10 minutes later they eventually get bored and leave me. It felt like a lifetime. It always does. Even though i'm not bleeding this time,I feel a wave of agony crash over me when I try to stand up after they leave me. Tears stream down my face and worry soon finds it's way back into my mind. I can't go through another agonising year with that every week. 

Tears stop running but still fogs my eyes, making it extremely hard to find my way out the woods in the pitch black. I make it eventually and try find my way home. I walk down this one street but notice 1 light on in a window. I can see the outline of a boy, staring in wonder out the window. He catches sight of me just as I look swiftly away from his direction. Still feeling his eyes lingering on me limping down the street, I feel uneasy. Almost embarrassed I guess... I didn't want anyone to see me this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii, just so you know this is my first fanfiction i've ever written so apologies if its quite bad. Also, i'm really bad at writing long chapters so sorry if this one is the longest you'll get. You should all go read The Photo Frame by omgxphan as the author is a good friend of mine. Hope you liked this chapter I promise it will get more interesting soon!


	3. Chapter 3-New Perspective

Ryan's POV

I woke up and all memories came back to me about what today was...the first day of school. I groaned because all I want to do is stay in this warm bubble I call my bed. My mum knocked and entered my room. I winced at the sudden beam of light shining in my eyes and swiftly pulled the covers over my head.

"Come on Ryro time for school." My mum said convincingly. I shake my head before realising she can't actually see me. 

"Your going to be late love, I'm sure this school will be much better than your last one." She told me sympathetically. I couldn't care less if I was late, I didn't even want to go anyway. I was so tired from staying up late last night after seeing that boy limping down my street. I couldn't help but wonder what his story was and how he got that mysterious injury of his. 

I heard my mum leave after she heard my grunt of a reply. I got out of bed and stumbled over to my wardrobe whilst worries about school invaded my mind. What if they don't like me? What if there are bullies like at my last school? What if I get picked on because of my accent? I ask my self. I'll just fake an American accent. Everything will be fine.

I grabbed a plain black t-shirt, black skinny jean and my infamous yellow scarf. This all felt alien to me as I was used to wearing uniform to school. I was told by my teachers back in England, wearing uniform prevents bullying; I hope it doesn't make a difference here. 

Whilst walking to the mirror opposite my bed, I picked up my black eyeliner pencil and put it on. Makeup is great for guys, because it makes a guy feel beautiful.

After finishing some morning necessities like brushing my teeth, hair and eating breakfast, I grab my bag and IPod (IPod definitely being the main priority here) and head for the door. Before reaching it, I turn round to shout goodbye to mum but I get stopped by a sudden hug.

"I love you Ryro, never forget that okay?" My mum murmurs into my ear, letting go of me.

"I know mum, love you too."

"Have a good first day hun." She kisses me on the cheek and ushers me out of the house. I turn round and set off for school.

When arriving at school I internally went over my morals and rules for myself. Don't talk to anyone. If I have to talk, talk in an American accent. Don't get in anyone's way. Don't show you're gay. Okay that last one doesn't really make sense but I'm anxious okay! I could feel everyone's eyes watching me as I slowly trudge into the building. I watched the floor like it was the most interesting thing I'd ever seen, mostly because I wanted no one to notice me. God knows what I'd do if someone tried to speak to me. Managing to pick up my timetable without speaking or making eye contact was easier than it sounds as the receptionist noticed I was new and apparently I was the only new kid here. 

Using the map I had in my hand, I tried to find my way to the first class I had. Suddenly I felt my body collide with someone else. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" I rushed in my terrible fake American accent. I looked up to see who I had bumped into and I was glad I looked up. The first thing I saw were his glistening eyes, absorbing the light from our surroundings. He stares into mine right before his eyes shifted to the right of my head. As I open my mouth to speak, his expression turned to fear and he turned quickly and sprinted in the opposite direction. I notice a slight limp as he ran away. My mind suddenly flashes back to last night. The boy I saw, it cant be him... can it?

Brendon's POV

I walk down the halls, bag over shoulder, eyes no where in particular. Halfway down the corridor, I feel myself bump into a tall figure. Oh no! I can't start today with another beating. I can at least get to first period or was I not even good enough for that. My head whips up to see who it was and confusion filled my mind. Stood before me was the boy I saw from last night; the one who saw me limping down the street. How did he go to this school? I'm sure I would have recognised him yesterday? 

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" He said in a strange accent. Maybe he's new. He looks so apologetic I just wanna make him feel better. Just as I was about to say it's okay, a movement from behind this mysterious boy caught my eye. Fear flooded my system as memories besides the agonising pain I woke up to this morning came back to me. I know I need to get out of this situation quickly but I feel guilty leaving this boy. Even though I've just met him (sort of) I feel a responsibility for him.

They got closer and I got more scared. I turned and ran as fast as I could away from Josh, Tyler ,Alex, and Jack without explaining to the boy why I left. God he'll probably hate me now.


	4. Chapter 4- Explanations

Brendon's POV  
Surprisingly, I actually made it to first period without being found. I was the first one there and I had 10 minutes until class started, so I pull out my headphones and just put my playlist on shuffle. About 5 minutes later I notice a head appear at the window of the door. It was the boy from earlier!   
Oh God what does he want. I didn't want to leave him like that but I couldn't just stand there; he would get beaten up too and trust me, he (and I) definitely didn't want that. 

After searching around the room frantically from outside, he opens the door timidly and steps inside.  
"I...uh...I'm sorry" I murmur so quietly I was surprised he was able to hear me.

"Why are you sorry?" He asks slowly, almost at the same pace as he was entering the room.

"F-for running away from you. I'm really sorry about that, it's just the people behind you-" I start, not daring to make eye contact.  
The boy looked sympathetic.  
" They beat you up last night didn't they." He finishes. I nod shyly whilst he made his way over to the desk I was sat at.  
"Don't worry. I'm not like them." He whispers. "I won't hurt you." 

And I believe him. I really do. He stares into my eyes and I stare back, not quite knowing what's going on and why my hearts beating so fast. He looks so peaceful and innocent. I just wanna-RIIIINNNGGGGGGGGG  
We both nearly jump out of our skins when the bell rings fiercefully. The thought I just had in my head disintegrated just as we both make eye contact and burst out laughing. Aww his laugh is really cute..

Our laughter dyed down right as the loud crowd of students burst through the door. Slipping into the seat next to mine, he brings his head close to mine and I feel my heart flutter as he does so.

"I'm Ryan" He says in my ear so I can hear over the noise of the other people in the room.

A blush creeps its way over my cheeks which I'm sure he's seen because he chuckles quietly to himself, turning to face the front of the room, resuming his place in his seat.

"I'm Brendon" I reply, still staring at him. Ryan's gaze flickered from the board, that Mrs Williams was writing on, to my eyes and smiled at me. 

"Hi Brendon, nice to meet you" And with that, the rest of the lesson was pretty normal apart from one thing was lingering on my mind...Could Ryan possibly be my first friend?

When the lesson came to an end (after like 5 billion years), on the way out of the door I showed Ryan where he needed to be which unfortunately, was not with me, then headed to my next lesson. Ugh history, who even cares? As I enter the classroom I hear whispers around me. Something about being a 'fag' or something. I take my usual seat at the back of the room where I have learnt over the years that sitting here prevents anything being thrown at the back of your head. I mean the sides and front of my head are still a target but not very common ones.

I decide this lesson is gonna be spent daydreaming or just thinking about things in general. Class starts but my minds in a completely different world. Ryan. He's so... interesting I guess. I just want to know more about him. And why is he being so nice to me? I know he's new so he probably won't know about me yet. Oh shit! That's why he's so nice! He doesn't know I'm gay yet. What if he leaves me like all my other 'friends' did? Don't be stupid Brendon. You're not friends with him yet. Yet...

Ryan's POV

Class drags on and on and on until my mind wonders back to the same thing that Iv'e been thinking about for ages now. Brendon. I don't understand why he gets bullied at all. He's so sweet! And he blushes! And his eyes are pretty sparkly...And his hair's awesome...And his lips- Woah there tiger, chill out! You only just met the boy and you're already thinking about kissing him! Okay Ryan, Brendon doesn't know that you're gay. Maybe he's even homophobic like the internet says about American schools? Okay okay okay I'm probably just being paranoid but I need to come up with a plan to tell him, just so I don't get too far into this...friendship? Hm not yet , but whatever this is. I know! Mum said that if I make any friends I can bring them home for dinner and stuff. Yessss that's exactly what I'll do. I'll ask him at lunch. And for some reason I don't get nervous or anxious of any sort around him. Well that's a first...

As the day continues I start to worry about asking Brendon to my house. What if he says no? We'll just have to see. After getting lost around school twice because no one would show me where to go, the lunch bell finally rings and my heart (and stomach) jump for joy. Luckily the class I was in was literally next door to the canteen (cafeteria) so there was no way I could get lost for a third time. I make my way in and look around, trying to find any sight of Brendon. There he is in the corner. Slowly and unsure I walk over to his table. Why is he sat alone? 

"Um-he-hey Brendon. Can I maybe...um...sit with you?" Damn I sound like such an idiot in my stupid fake accent. I sound like an idiot all together.  
"Oh hi! Sure...you can sit here." He replied, slightly jumping surprisingly at my words. He gestured to a seat opposite him and I sat down.   
"Aren't you going to eat?" Brendon asked.   
"Oh I forgot, my mom made me a packed lunch for my first day but I think I'll just ask her to carry on doing that to be honest." I chuckled reaching around in my bag for my lunch.  
"Aren't you going to?" I ask in confusion as I notice he's not got any school food sat in front of him and no packed lunch either.  
"Ummm.......I'm not hungry?" He says, almost like a question- like he's trying to convince himself.  
"Oh okay" I smile but he only returns a small one, and it's layered in worry. Something's wrong I can feel it. Maybe it's me. Maybe I did something wrong. But I still need to ask him to my house tonight. Taking a deep breath and finishing off that last bit of sandwich, I gather all my courage (which isn't very much) and open my mouth to speak.  
"Doyouwanttocometomyhouseafterschooltodayfordinner?" I say as fast as I could. I can see the confusion on his face as he tries to unravel my words. Finally his moment of realisation comes and I am astonished he was able to make out even a syllable of what I was saying.  
"Yeah that'd be awesome! You sure your parents don't mind?" Brendon asks, his worry seeming to just disappear.  
"It's um..just my mum and no of course not, she was the one that told me to bring someone if I make any friends." Ugh did I really just say that? He chuckles and I feel my face start to grow red.  
"Well I think of you as a friend too." He states carefully, looking deeply into my eyes for the first time this lunch and I notice his face start to match the redness on mine. 

The rest of the time we just sat there in silence. It isn't awkward or anything. It's just peaceful. Like we both know if we talk It'l ruin the quiet. After what feels like only a couple of minutes, the bell rings. I break the silence between us just as we stand up out our seats.   
"Meet me at the main gates at the end of the day?" 

"Yeah sure I'm looking forward to it." He exclaims, showing off that big cute smile of his. I swear he's like a ray of sunshine. That's what his nickname is gonna be in my head. Sun. Obviously I'm not calling him that out loud, but in my head where everything's safe I will. Call it cheesy I don't care. That's what he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy so hopefully this was a better and longer chapter. It took me ages to write this seriously oh my god. I hope you liked it and be prepared for more fluff. This chapter was like semi-fluff if you get what I mean. No? Okay never mind. Have a good day/night!!)


	5. Chapter 5- Secrets Revealed

Brendon's POV  
I lean against the tree a couple metres away from the main school gates. A slight frown is printed on my face as I wonder how I'm going to tell him I'm gay. Hopefully he won't mind but, that's never promised. Staring at the muddy grass around me passes the time for a couple minutes but then I start to wonder where Ryan is? The bell rang for the end of the day at least 15 minutes ago. Surely he can't still be being held back?

A couple more minutes pass before deciding to go look for him. I enter the school doors and wonder down the science corridor. This was his last lesson I think. I turn left onto the math corridor and my heart stops. There he is. Surrounded by the same 4 people that make my life hell. He looks terrified while they all crowd round.

"Hanging around that worthless emo today were you?" Sneered Alex beckoning for the others to join in.

"You know, he's definitely not the person you want to have as your friend new boy. We can change that." Says Tyler slyly. 

"Option 1: you can join our little group and be superior to everyone in this school. But you can't ever be nice to that freak." One of them spat

"Option 2: stay friends with him and get hated by us. And trust me, you don't want that, new boy." Threatened Jack.  
I watch Ryan intently, wishing his answer for him. Hidden behind the corner of the science corridor, I just manage to get a glimpse of Ryan's face. It looks...disgusted. But still terrified.

"Um-I- no- i...p-pick option 2." He stutters and I hear a sigh of relief coming from my mouth. The only person I can see right now is Josh and he looks angry. That's not a good sign as normally, he's the most chilled of them all. Well, as chilled as you can be while beating someone up. 

"Listen here you son of a bitch. You've made a horrible mistake. Do you even know why we hate him so much?" NOO they're gonna tell him about me!!   
"Do you even know he's a f-"   
"To be honest I'd rather be friends with Brendon any day of the week than even step foot within a mile of you. No matter what you hate him for." Ryan says confidently.   
My heart thumps so loud I'm surprised they haven't heard it and found me yet. Ryan's confidence differs as I hear a whimper coming from his mouth. Oh god what are they doing? I'm so engrossed in what's happening, I don't even realise a teacher coming up behind me to turn into the maths corridor. She didn't acknowledge me but she sure did see them.

"What on earth is going on here? Back away from the boy immediately!" She orders. A couple seconds later I hear footsteps coming towards me. Worrying it might be Alex, Tyler, Josh or Jack, I start to back away from my hiding space.   
The footsteps grow louder but I see it's Ryan. Stepping out into the corridor I see he's all panicked.

"Hey come here it's okay." I tell him in my softest voice. He lets out a small sob as he comes over to me. I wrap my arms around him in attempts to calm him down. He wraps his around my neck and we stay there for a minute or two. I can feel his breathing evening out.

"It's okay. Your safe now." I tell him releasing him from my tight grasp.

"I know- thank you Brendon. Do you still want to come to my house because you can still say no if you don't want to." He looks almost embarrassed as he steps slightly away, still clinging onto my hand though. I squeeze his hand in reassurance.

"Of course I still want to. Why wouldn't I?" I ask and he shrugs his reply.

"I'll show you the way. My house is really untidy because we only got here the other day so there's moving boxes everywhere." He says apologetically in the strange accent of his.

"It's fine I really don't mind at all" I smile "Hey Ryan?"  
He raises his eyebrows in reply.  
"Where did you move from if you don't mind me asking. It's just your accent is a little different." Hopefully I didn't insult him.   
"Oh" he sighs, looking hesitant to answer.  
"I'm...not actually from America. I'm English but I was stupid enough to think putting on an American accent would help me fit in."   
He looks down while I chuckle but not in a mean way.

"That's sweeeet. Don't worry, you don't have to try and fit in. I won't judge you." We start to walk out of school, still clutching each other's hand.  
"I know." He smiles delicately. I can't help but to think about how precious his voice is. I sigh and Ryan looks at me as to say 'what's up?'. 

"Your accent is really cute." I confess and we both blush. I see his eyes light up like the moon. He kind of reminds me of it. I think I'll call him that. Moon. It suits him.


	6. Chapter 6- Secrets Reavealed Part 2

Brendon's POV

We walked back to Ryan's house in pretty much silence apart from occasional humming. The walk was only about 15 minutes and we passed my house on the way. It turns out we only live a couple of minutes away from each other. How convenient.

We reach the end of Ryan's front yard and he releases my hand to take out his keys from his pocket. He struggles to get them out because his jeans and so tight. I have to admit, my hand feels real cold now that I'm not holding his.

Opening his door, he beckons me inside. All inside were boxes packed to the brim laying everywhere. Other than that, the house looked awesome. It was bigger than mine by far. Ours was all mom could afford.

Ryan smiled and he leads me over to the kitchen where a dirty blonde haired woman (whom I'm assuming to be his mom) was baking something. She turned round in surprise when she heard our footsteps so I presume she didn't hear Ryan open the door.   
"Oh honey how was your day?" She asked, pulling him into a hug.  
"It was great mum, um this is Brendon" He says, gesturing to me. I smile awkwardly but her grin just grew and she also hugged me, quite tightly too, after freeing Ryan from her grasp.

"Are you hungry love? I've been making cookies to celebrate surviving your first day!" She exclaims excitedly. Ryan's face became red and I -admittedly- decide really like it when he does that.

"Um not just yet but later we will have something to eat. That okay Bren?" I smile at the nickname and nod in confirmation.  
He asks me if I wanna go listen to music and I agree without hesitation.  
We go to his room which is still quite empty apart from a single bed pushed against the opposite wall to the door, a cupboard to the right of the door and a mirror, about Ryan's height, opposite his bed. There's also a bedside table stacked with cd's.   
He walks up to his cd collection so I follow. 

"Oh my god you like My Chemical Romance?! Fall Out Boy?!" I ask very loudly.  
"Yeah, you do?!" He replies excitedly.  
I nod passionately. We talk about different bands for about an hour and a half while muse plays in the background. This whole experience is so strange to me. I've never had any friends before. Well, I guess I've never had any real friends. They all left me when they found out I like guys, which is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard but hey. Nothing I can do about it. Ugh I'm so worried to tell Ryan. I know that I don't want him to leave me. But I can't help but to think somethings different about him. I sigh internally so he won't know something's wrong. I don't want him to worry. 

A slow song came on a minute after our conversation died down. I go over what I want to say in my head. Hey Moon? I need you to know why I get bullied. Just so you don't make good friends with me then you end up hating me.   
Ryan starts to speak and my thoughts are pushed aside.  
"Brendon...I need you to know something about me." My heart thumps harder.  
"I-I'm-" He starts before his mom bursts into the room.   
We both look up at her, back at each other, then back at her. She grins widely.   
"Cookies are ready hun. Get em while they're hot!" Ryan's mom exclaims while retreating back through the door. Ryan smiles and roles his eyes jokingly but still looks a bit unsettled. We follow her out and while we're eating them I joke how 'english' cookies are much better than American ones. Ryan's mom is grateful for the compliment. I can see where Ryan gets his sweetness from. 

As the night goes on we both seem to forget about what Ryan was trying to tell me before. We play video games on his console for hours. Time just slips away and before we know it, it's dark outside and also 10 o'clock.  
"Woah! Have you seen the time?" He asks.  
"Jesus I didn't realise it was that late."

"Do you- maybe want to- stay over?" Ryan offers timidly.

"Oh yeah! I'd love too! Only if it's no bother with your mum that is." A huge smile appeared on my lips.

"Awesome! She won't mind, trust me." he shines his dazzling grin and takes my hand. 

"Do you want to call your parents and tell them?" Ryan continues. I imagine my mom actually caring where I was at night or any time of the day. I scoff. He looks hurt like he thought I was laughing at him. My eyes grow wide.

"I wasn't laughing at you! I would never do that. It's just..." Ryan listens to my words intently, almost like he's reassuring himself with them. Aww- my Moon.

"It's a long story for another time. I don't think I'm ready to share it yet." Lying to him feels wrong but telling him the truth will scare him off. I don't want him to think I'm anything like my mother. He looks sympathetic and squeezes my hand.

"That's okay. I won't force you." Feeling bad for lying to him, I squeezed his hand back. We sat like this for a couple minutes in silence. His thumb strokes my hand.

Ryan breaks the silence abruptly: "Oh by the way, do you mind sharing my bed? I know it's really small and all but I don't want you to sleep on the floor. Plus it's like really creaky too I've discovered."

"Aaaaaand how did you find that out? Sneaking out to teenage parties I bet!" I chuckle, winking at him.

"Pfft yeah right! I hate huge crowds!" He exclaims throwing his arms up.

"Hehe and I don't mind sharing with you tonight." Call me crazy but I'm sure he looked relieved? I'm probably making things up knowing me. 

As we both get ready for bed (Ryan said I could borrow some of his pyjamas) I keep thinking about how I'm going to tell him. It definitely has to be tonight I think to myself. I sigh and sit on his bed as I wait for him to come back through his bedroom door.

 

Ryan's POV 

I'm going to tell him tonight. Whilst walking down the hall and back into my room I start to get anxious. There he is sat on my bed, concentrating so hard on his own thoughts he didn't realise I was there. I hopped over to him and sat down. His attention was brought away from whatever was going on in his mind as his head snapped up. 

"You ready to go to sleep?" I ask because I don't really know what else to say to be quite honest.

"yeah yeah sure" Brendon replies. I slip under the covers first and push my self up against the wall so he has room then he soon gets in after me. Feeling his body heat radiate off him was so calming I almost forgot I had to tell him. Deciding to leave it a couple of minutes so he is settled, I study his face. It's so...perfect. His pretty chocolate brown eyes watch me as I watch him. He smiles and his eyes light up. Just like the sun. My little Sun. 

"Brendon?" "Ryan?" We both say at the exact same time. We both giggle. Aww his giggle is so cute . He tells me to go first:

"You know earlier when I was trying to tell you something?" Feeling a nod of an answer, I continue.

"Well... I understand if you don't want to be friends with me after this but-" Here it goes. I gather all my courage and open my mouth.

"I'm gay." The words slip out of my mouth and I feel both our breathing stop.

"Oh my god." Oh shit he totally hates me. "I was gonna say the exact same thing." Well maybe not!

"No way! So your not a homophobe?"

"Dude no! I just told you, I'm gay too. That's what I was going to tell you." I can hear the relief in his voice and he could probably see it in my face too. I sigh happily. I'm sort of confused though. Why am I so happy about this? Is it just because I know he won't hate me? Or am I happy about it for a different reason? I let these thoughts slide over my head as I whisper a goodnight.

"Goodnight Bren."

"Goodnight Ry."

Blushing at the new nickname, I continue to examine his face. His eyes are closed so he can't see me do so. He's so close to me I can feel his lungs going up and down. Hours pass while I just watch him. So pretty... Once I'm sure he's asleep I slide my hand into his once again and close my eyes, eventually slipping into a deep, well needed, sleep.


	7. Chapter 7- Unintentions

Brendon's POV

 

The sound of someone saying my name wakes me up. My eyes flicker open and when I try to get up I'm held down my a weight over me. I look down only to find Ryan's face pressed into my chest, with his hand laying next to him, also on my chest. Under his cover I can feel our legs tangled.   
For a minute or so I watch over him. My Moon looks cute like this with his hair hanging down messily, covering half his face.   
Suddenly, Ryan looks disturbed from his sleep.  
"Brendon." He mutters, squirming his way off of my chest.  
"No Brendon don't leave me." This time he sounded distressed, but still asleep.  
"Please don't! Please don't leave me!" I feel a tear land the part of my arm Ryan was clinging onto. It hurts me to see him troubled. He continues to say my name unknowingly and more tears slip out his eyes with each call. Grabbing his shoulders I hoist him up so he's sitting upright with me. Still holding his shoulders I shake him but only slightly, trying to wake him up. Tears are still spilling out of his eyes when he opened them. With confusion printed on his face and concern plastered on mine, I open my arms to consume him into a hug. He practically leaps into me as I hear sobs and occasional whimpers from him. 

We sat like this for what seems like hours. His head resting gently on my shoulder, my head resting on his. Our arms were wrapped tightly around each other. Ryan soon calmed down and asked me to tell him what happened. After I had told him he gives me an apologetic look.  
"Sorry for waking you up Bren." He said looking down once I had released him.  
"Don't be Ry it's fine. Trust me." I reassured.  
"I'm still sorry though" Mutters Ryan. He shouldn't be. It isn't his fault and I'd rather he woke me up than him suffering by himself by far. As I was about to say so, his alarm clock that he set yesterday went off. A loud groan comes from beside me and Ryan flops himself back down on his bed, burying himself in covers. I laugh and flop down beside him.

"Come on we have tooooooo" I whisper to him. He sighs and gets up off his bed pulling me with him.  
"Do you want to borrow some clothes for school?" Offers Ryan as he walks over to his cupboard to get his own clothes.  
"I don't suppose I have a choice do I?" I ask, giggling.  
"Hmm no I think you can go to school without clothes." He replies sarcastically. He turns round and throws me some black jeans and a misfits shirt.   
"I love this band!" I say whilst examining the clothes. Ryan laughs and tells me I can get changed and he'll get changed in the bathroom down the hall. I get changed quickly and I wait for Ryan on his bed. A pencil eyeliner catches my eye and I pick it up just as Ryan comes in. He spots me with his eyeliner and walks over looking amused.   
"Do you want me to do it for you?" He asks taking the pencil out of my hands.

"Do what?"  
"Do your eyeliner."   
"Oh! Um okay then as long as you don't stab me in the eye with it!" I say as Ryan laughs and sits down next to me and tells me to look at him. He bites his lip in concentration and I can't help but blush when he brings the pencil just below my eye. He holds the back of my head while he applies the liner. After he's done his arm holding the pencil returns to his side but he still continues to stare into my eyes. I do the same, his other hand still in my hair. 

In the moment, Ryan's mom shouts up from the kitchen and tells us she's prepared some breakfast for us. Ryan lets his other hand drop, sliding along my shoulder before meeting his side. He smiles but it looks kinda sad before leading us both downstairs.

We had breakfast (which was pancakes) and then went to school. We walked close together because we were sharing headphones. Ryan kept singing along to the songs we were listening too.   
"You know Bren, teenagers do scare the living shit outta me." Laughing at his MCR reference I totally understand what he means.   
"Me too Ry, me too." Other than that it was pretty much silent the rest of the way there. 

When we got to school, we walked through the gates and took out his headphones. While Ryan was winding them around his iPod, I could see a group of people storming towards us. As we were in school now, they pushed us against the wall and held us to it with strength. Fear flooded my system. Oh what a surprise. It's Josh, Tyler, Alex, and Jack. 

"Have a boyfriend do we now fag?" Josh spat in my face.  
"He's not my boyfriend" I manage to say before being kicked in the stomach. I looked to my left and could see they've pinned Ryan to the wall too but haven't done anything to him yet. He's getting all panicky now watching them beat me. Tyler punched me in the jaw and I heard Ryan scream too. Hearing him in pain was too much for me to handle and I gathered all energy and strength in my arms and shoved them both off me. Before they had any idea what was happening I sprinted over to where Ryan was being pinned down and ripped them off of him. Grabbing his hand I pulled him away from the chaos and just ran. All the way to the other side of the school. People stared of course. I mean why wouldn't you when two teenage boys were sprinting at full speed down the corridor holding each other's hands? Checking many times if we were being chased we finally got to where I wanted. The forgotten music rooms. 

On the door it had a passcode and of course I knew it. I'd been coming here for years to get away from them four.  
We sat there in silence for about half an our. To my surprise, Ryan didn't shed a tear. He did look so shaken up though I couldn't resist going over to him and giving him a hug, not to tight other wise it would hurt my chest. When I let go (reluctantly) I asked Ryan if I could attend to his jaw. It looks like it hurts a hell of a lot. He nodded and I go to the toilets which were luckily next door to the music rooms. I got some tissue and go back to the room. Ryan was in the same position kneeling on the floor. I made my way over and I can just see the pain in his eyes and I just want to make it stop. Kneeling down in front of him I brought the wet tissue up to his face and just before I put it on I warn him it'll sting.   
"Brendon I know what it's like you know." He mutters looking up at me for the first time we were in here.  
"Wh-how?" I ask, completely surprised.   
"At my old school in England they did to me what they do to you here. I'm so sorry you have to go through it too Bren I really am." He grabs hold of my hand but I'm not sure if it's supposed to benefit me or him. Both probably. 

I was speechless. How can someone like Ryan get bullied. He's done nothing to deserve it. I guess I'll never know I suppose. Without a word I dab the wet tissue to his jaw. As he winced at the pain I noticed he was bleeding a tiny bit however I did manage to get him all cleaned up. 

I know I got the worst of it in my chest but for some reason the pain seemed to be numb. Maybe I've just gotten so used to being in pain I can't feel it anymore? Well that makes sense. Even after I've cleaned Ryan's face he still looks traumatised. I took the bag off my back and took out one of the only things that would calm me down. I hand it to Ryan.  
"What's this?" He asks looking at the notebook that lays in his hands.  
"My lyric book. When I'm stressed or something I just look through it and write stuff down you know. I hoped it would cheer you up a bit." I felt my face flush red and Ryan opened the book. The first page he opened was of a song I had already written all the lyrics down for. I guess it was supposed to be sang by two people. 

"She held the world apon a string but she didn't ever hold me. Spun the stars on her finger nails but it never made her happy. This is good you know." Says Ryan quietly reading the lyrics off the sheet.   
"Who's this about if you don't mind me asking?" Damn I was really hoping he wouldn't ask me that.  
"It's-uh about...my mom." Feeling tears start to build up threateningly in my eyes I look down.   
"Oh" I feel Ryan grab my arm and pick me up from the floor and lead my over to the piano.  
"Have you worked out a melody yet?" He asks softly once we'd sat on the stool. Shaking my head, Ryan puts his hand under my chin and brings my head up.   
"We'll do it now if you want."  
There's nothing I'd rather do at this moment than sit with Ryan and play music.

His hands press the keys of the piano and i start to sing.  
"She held the world apon a string, but she didn't ever hold me.  
Spun the stars on her finger nails but it never made her happy, cause she couldn't ever have me.  
She said she'd won the world at a carnival but she couldn't ever win me, cause she couldn't ever catch me."  
I sing delicately while Ryan plays without flaw. Tears are starting to flow, ruining the eyeliner he had put on me earlier.  
"I- I know why, because when I look in her eyes I just see the sky, oh when I look in her eyes well I just see sky." My voice grows shaky and I can't carry on any more.   
"I don't love you I'm just passing the time. You could love me if I knew how to lie, but who could love me I am out of my mind, throwing a line out to sea to see if I can catch a dream." I looked up surprised at Ryan who had sung that bit of the song. He looks back, also with tears in his eyes. Although he's hurt, he manages to smile as to say 'you do this next bit'. Returning his gaze to the keys, I start to sing again.

"The sun was always in her eyes, she didn't even see me. But that girl had so much love, she'd want to kiss you all the time. Yeah she's want to kiss you all the time." My voice was still not 100% there so Ryan sang with me on some bits. We finished the lyrics singing together in harmony. His fingers danced along the keys as the song came to complete stop. Tears were flooding my vision but I can see Ryan's eyes were filled with sorrow too. He leaned forward and just rested his forehead on mine. I could feel his breath and I'm sure he could feel mine.

I could stay like this forever I thought. But the moment didn't last that long as Ryan removed his head to give me a small sad smile. He looked back down at the piano and grinned. 

"Well they encourage your complete cooperation..." He began to sing. His voice is so perfect. Looking back up at me I smile and begin to sing with him.  
"Send you roses when they think you need to smile..." 

And I realised in that moment, that Ryan was perfect. Not just his voice. Not just his looks. Everything about him is. The way his eyes gleam when he talks about something he's passionate about, when he blushes when receiving a compliment, when he bites his lip when concentrating. Everything. 

I think I'm falling for my Moon.


	8. Chapter 8- Progress In The Process

Brendon's POV 

For the rest of that day we spent it in the forgotten music rooms. We didn't turn up to any lessons or anything. Not even lunch. All day we were just messing around, playing songs, writing music, just being idiots together. Together... I don't know what's going on inside my head but I do know that I've started to like Ryan a bit more than I should. And yeah yeah, I've only known him for a few days now but (call me clique) it feels like ages.

I know I said something was different about him and it turns out I was right but I can't help but to think maybe he's even more different than I would have imagined. He said he wasn't going to leave me and he hasn't! We've been hanging out more, going to his house after school and stuff. He's the first person that I've let look and use my lyric book and he's the first person to know about my depression too. I don't really like opening up to anyone about that but I just feel like I can trust him. Maybe its the fact that he's sensitive himself, he seems quite happy opening up to me, or something else. Truthfully I think its all three. He talked to me about his anxiety too which must be horrible to live with. He has it worse than me. All I do is whine about my mom or listen to music in my room by myself. Well that is until I made friends with Ryan. I think its safe to call him a friend now.

I lay on my couch, eyes closed. It's the weekend now and I'm not looking forward to school tomorrow. I'll get to see Ryan but I'll also see every other idiot in that hell hole. Who wouldn't love getting up at 6am to go to a place where everyone but one hates you? Fun fun fun! 

I sigh. There's nothing on tv and I can't call Ryan because he told me he's doing something in town with his mom. I can't go out anywhere as it would be equivalent to me shouting: "Come beat me up I'm vulnerable!" 

I'm soo bored but my mom will be back from the pub soon. Not looking forward to that either. She'll most likely be drunk out of her brains. To be honest I'm surprised she's able to find her way back to the house after drinking. Well I guess she's done it enough times. I do feel sorry for her sometimes though. I wish my dad had just stayed out of her life. If he had never met her, she wouldn't be like this now and I wouldn't be here to be a burden on her or anyone for that matter. 

Half an hour passes and I decide in that time I'd listen to music. Part of me always wanted to be in a band, you know? But part of me saw no point because no one would listen to our music and I don't have any other friends to form one with. Ryan can play so many instruments. He said I play guitar and piano well but I know I'm no where near as good as him. He managed to play chords for a song he'd never heard, all the way through, making them up on the spot, without flaw for gods sake!

I sing along softly to Alone Together until the door swings open rather loudly. Picking up my body from the sofa, I took my headphones out of my ears only to hear my mom screaming at me. Yep. Drunk af (A/N I'm not sorry). 

"WHY DO YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING I TELL YOU TOO?!" She screeches, staggering her way in.  
"Maybe it's because your never here to tell me to do stuff." I murmur under my breath.  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!" Bloody hell! For a woman that drunk she's got good hearing.   
"Nothing." I say emotionless, heading to the bottom of the stairs.  
"Where the hell do you think your going?" She growled, moving aggressively towards me, beer bottle raised in a threatening manner.  
Knowing what she was about to do, I coward away, hand wrapped around my head trying to protect myself. I see her arm move down fast. Only after I hear the thwack of impact and the bottle smash, I feel the excruciating pain in my upper arm and shoulder. It feels like I've been thrown down the stairs and landed on my shoulder and had it slashed open. Well part of it is true. I look to my left and instantly see blood leaking out of my shoulder and a huge piece of glass wedged in the angry wound. My mom towers over me, fists clenched. She must have seen the tears because she raised her fist and hits my in my jaw. She charges up the stairs loudly and disappears in her room, leaving me lying and bleeding on the floor. I hate crying silently because I feel like no one is capable of seeing me. No one will know I'm crying if I'm silent. Sometimes I hear my mom crying in her sleep but I've cried tears she'll never see so fuck her, she can go cry me an ocean. It's all my dads fault. Why did he have to do this to us? 

Still crying I reach over to where a piece of glass was lodged in my shoulder and tighten a grip on it. I pull it out and another agonising wave of pain crashes over me. I grab some bandages from the kitchens medication cupboard and head upstairs to my bathroom which is attached to my bedroom. I turn on the cold water and put my arm under it, dabbing it lightly with a cloth I keep just for situations like this. It hurts like a bitch. 

Once all the blood had been wiped away, I wrap the bandage round my shoulder and arm then go back into my bedroom. My moms passed out in her room. I can tell because of the inhuman snores coming from down the hall. 

I sit on my bed for about half an hour. I guess I'm just assessing my life so far. It feels like the darkness of the room is swallowing me up. In a way, I hope it would. Feeling cold tears slip down my cheek, I throw myself down and curl up into a ball on top of my covers. My tears drip down onto the sheets and my pillow and I can tell I'm not getting much sleep tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I know this chapters not very good it's just a filler chapter really. I did put a Fall Out Boy reference in there so you're welcome for that!


	9. Chapter 9-Lies And Regrets

(Tiny little trigger warning)  
Ryan's POV   
Sighing, I drop my head into my hands. 

"What's wrong hun are you feeling alright?" Asks my mum in concern. She's sitting across from me at the dinner table. The house is much tidier and more organised now that we've had time to get used to it now, even if it's only been a week and a couple of days.

Keeping my head down I pick up another slice of pizza.  
"Yeah mum I'm fine, just tired." I lie. Why am I lying to people now? First Brendon and now mum. I feel horrible about it. I know I shouldn't have lied to him but I had too you know? 

Without another word I take the pizza slice and make my way to my bedroom. What if Brendon knows I lied to him? I think. I needed too though. I mean, I was with my mum but just not in town so technically I was only half lying. That doesn't make it okay Ryan! 

I should just tell him and why I did it. He'd probably hate me though. I only lied because...well... I like Brendon. More than a friend. And I know, I know I shouldn't but he's just so...perfect. His eyes are the perfect colour, his personality is perfect and his lips oh my God they're just so kissable. Don't even get me started on how sweet he is. The way his hair frames his face and- uuugggghhhhh. I've never felt this towards anyone else before. Even when I thought loved Pete Wentz, he has nothing on Brendon. 

I wish I could just tell him but I know I can't. We trust each other with very personal stuff like the time we both told each other about our mental illnesses. I told him I have panic attacks regularly and he told me he cuts but is trying to stop.   
My heart fell through the floor of reality when he told me this. I realised that Brendon has a while maze of a personality and he's centre of it all. There's no way of getting out.  
That's why I feel bad about lying to him really. I feel if he does something then It'll be all my fault for not being there for him. And I'm not prepared for that to happen. But how on earth was I supposed to be with him and not accidentally tell him my feelings? I don't want him to leave me but I don't want to hurt him. What the hell do I do?!

Having finished my pizza, I lay on by bed, an arm bent so my hand is under my head. I sigh again, just staring at my ceiling. I know. I'll ask if he wants to spend tomorrow in the music rooms again to make it up to him. In that time I'll try not to spill it out that I like him or anything. God that'd be awkward. 

I'm really glad Brendon found them rooms and that he guessed the passcode after a couple of weeks after discovering them. He said he'd been going there for years.  
'It's where they never look' he says. I'm especially pleased he decided to share his hiding place with me. He could have chosen anyone but he chose me. 

Brendon probably doesn't feel the same towards me. Who could love me? I am out of my mind. I just hope I don't ruin what we already have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry again for the shortness of this chapter but I needed another filler. Hope your doing awesomely!)


	10. Chapter 10- Dismal

Ryan's POV

"So how did you like the town?" Asks Brendon looking up from his phone, picking a song for us to listen to on our venture out side of my house. It's a very precise selection process you see.   
"Um yeah it's great." I answered vaguely, trying not to sound like I was kinda not telling the truth. 

Gerard Way's beautiful voice filled our ears as we shuffled closer to each other so we don't rip out each other's headphones. Only for that reason, right? My heart thought it necessary to pump faster either way. Oh my Sun, the effect you have on me.. We walk closer still and I feel the side of Brendon's hand brush against mine. How I wish I could just grab it was normal. Sure, we held hands the first day we met but now, as much as I would love too, I'd definitely end up embarrassing myself. A lot. 

The song changed and Brendon's face lit up.   
"I love this song so much! PUT ON YOUR WAR PAINT!" He screamed so a woman walking down the street with her kid crossed the road to get away from him. I nearly died laughing.

"Bren shut up!" I exclaimed through my laughter. 

"You know you liked it." He said winking at me jokingly.

"Pft you wish. I do love that Fall Out Boy album though, it's my favourite."

"Hmm I think Infinity On High is mah fave." He says in a 'matter of fact tone'.  
We carry on debating albums and I learn that The Black Parade is his favourite MCR album (Ohh well look at lthat, it's mine too) until we're only a couple meters away from the school gates. I suddenly remember I wanted to ask Brendon if he'd come to the music rooms today with me.

"Hey Brendon? Would you maybe...want to go to the m-music rooms today?" Damn I sound nervous. Probably because I am. Idiot. He just giggled.

"Yeah of course I'll always come with you. You seem anxious today, what's up?" He looks up to see where he's going then at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay awesome, and I'm just uh tired." Just tired? Really Ryan? Smooth. Real smooth. Brendon seems to have not noticed my look of disapproval aimed towards myself and just smiles at me. We hadn't seen Josh, Tyler, Alex, or Jack ever since the first time we had gone to the music rooms where we worked out the melody for Brendon's song (which I named: She Had The World) and I planned to keep it that way. 

We walked into the school gates and no one noticed us. I liked it. We carried on walking to the other side of the school to get to our hiding place. How the hell has no one noticed this place yet?! It's right here! Even though I do believe everyone else is stupid for not finding it, I don't want them too. It's me and Brendon's place. 

He entered the passcode and looked around before shuffling us both in. I grinned and ran over to the guitars like after our piano jam last time. Brendon followed but sat on one of the piano stools available. Bringing his bag off his shoulder he brought out his lyric book at opened to a page quite far down in the note book. I picked out an electro-acoustic guitar but didn't plug it into an amp. I went over to Brendon and sat beside him so the neck of my guitar was crossed over his chest. 

Some songs we had written together we're okay too. We had written one called I Write Sins Not Tragedies. I loved this one even though we both have no idea were the lyrics came from and what they mean. There was also this one which didn't have a name but it was supposed to have clicking of fingers on the verse but jazz hands on the chorus. This one was fun too.

Looking over his shoulder as I strum random chords I see some lyrics he's written down.  
'Hey Moon, please forget to fall down.  
Hey Moon, don't you go down.'

"Those are good." I say but see his face blush bright red. I guess I wasn't supposed to see them? He's let me look through everything else though?

"Umm thanks..." He trailed off, finding my eyes. 

"Do you need help writing the rest of it?" I offer. Well I've seen them now, he can't deny it!

"Yeah that'd be great actually." 

"Okay cool so what's this one about?" I instantly regret those words when I see his face go a deeper red if it was even possible. Seeing how uncomfortable he was I decide to just let the question slip but was surprised I got an answer.

"It's about...umm...someone I like." My heart shatters so hard I was expecting us to both hear it. Brendon avoids eye contact and my thoughts are interrupted by an unwelcome voice.  
Well what did you think would happen? He would never like you Ryan! What were you doing thinking that there was even a tiny chance of you two being together? Get a grip.

I know the voice is right but I was still beside myself with...grief? I don't know I've never felt this before. It was like a twang of overwhelming pain right to the heart.   
"Oh" Was all I could say because I couldn't trust myself to carry on otherwise the lump growing in my throat would threaten to impact my voice. His breath was shaky and so was mine. Why should he be shaky? Who could possibly be that lucky in order to make Brendon Urie like this. I think of how they make him feel. Warm, fuzzy, like you have a meaning? All the things I feel for Brendon. Except he wasn't feeling them for me. Just some other guy. 

Has he been keeping him secret from me? Why didn't he tell me before I got too attached? This is all my fault! I was just hanging around then I fell in love. I don't know how but I can't get out.


	11. Chapter 11- The Beginning

Ryan's POV

I let my fingers strum in time to a simple beat trying to seem as emotionless as possible when really, I'm suffering a lot on the inside. I know I should get over it quickly but I can't let go of the inevitable disappointment of the situation. What can I say? I get attached real easily.

We had managed to get a couple lines of lyrics down for the song we were writing but I just can't concentrate on anything. I feel I'm over exaggerating but there's nothing I can do. Hopefully I get over this quickly.

"So what do you think of this as the chorus?" Brendon asks. He got over the embarrassment of telling me about his crush about 20 minutes ago. Damn. I suppose I should have listened to what he was telling me about the chorus.

"Oh yeah it's great." I say, maybe too emotionless.   
"Are you-like-okay?" He asks cautiously. I swear the colour in his cheeks differ.  
"Yeah, just peachy." Ugh now I sound too sarcastic.  
"Hmm...okay but you can tell me if you're not."   
"I will." Lie.

We return to writing when my attention creeps up on the fact that Brendon keeps side-glancing at me. Well if you weren't side-glancing at him, you wouldn't notice. I know I'm just being hopeful and such but oh he's so perfect.

His soft singing brings me back into reality as I begin the strumming pattern on this old acoustic guitar. I like this one, it has history...character.

"If all my life is but a dream, fantastic posing greed then we should feed our jewellery to the sea. For diamonds do appear to be just like broken glass to me." Brendon's singing is so sweet and innocent. I feel it's too pure for this peace-ridden world. He sings with such truth, honesty. So much meaning behind the broken words. It just makes sense to have broken words sang by broken souls. Like us. 

We wrote the song so when the verse ended, the chords of a piano would come in through the chorus. When I see Brendon so engulfed in concentration of our lyrics, my hand goes to press the keys because I thought he'd forgotten about them. However, I put my hand down only to find that Brendon's hand does the same, but on top of mine. Both our heads snapped up to look at each other. 

Instinctually, I went to pull my hand away but only to fail when Brendon's hand slips more heavily on to mine, not letting me go. He stares at me and I, him. My breath quickens and my hand starts to sweat under his. Brendon's pretty brown eyes start to get closer to mine and soon our faces were millimetres away from each other. I could feel his breath on my face and his hair brush against my forehead. All my thoughts just shattered right through me, right out of my mind. Lost in those brown spirals I feel myself edging closer to him by every second. 

The guitar in my lap was no obstacle as Brendon leans forward, closing the very small gap between us. I feel my heart stop and in surprise I straighten my back to find one of Brendon's hands is already on the back of my shoulder. I melt into the kiss and lift one hand up to meet his neck.   
The overwhelming explosion of joy takes over me as I press my lips back at his, adding pressure to the display of character we both were performing very enthusiastically.   
I feel him pulling away naturally so I do the same. If it was possible, he looked even prettier now that before. My breath gradually evens out whilst our hands are still intertwined on the piano. My hand's still on his neck and his still on my back.

"Ryan?"  
"Yeah Bren?" Silence.

"I like you a lot."  
"I like you too."

Seeing the physical relief on his face makes me even more happier than I am. Everything in my mind just clicks now. He likes me. My Sun likes me! I soon start to realise that this day has been the literal best day of my life.

 

Brendon POV 

I pull away from the spontaneous kiss only to breathe. If I could go forever without breathing that would be perfect right now. Ryan looks so perfect. His eyes gleaming and his face plastered with content. I totally should have told him I liked him sooner. Dammit Brendon why did you wait?!  
The rooms peaceful silence breaks as I say his name.

"Yeah Bren?" I love it when he uses my nickname.

"I like you a lot" Just incase he hasn't picked up on that yet.

"I like you too." He says, looking directly into my eyes. He's so beautiful.   
My Moon likes me back. I actually have a chance without me scaring them away. I like my Moon and he likes me back. 

My moment of realisation comes as I soon come to the terms that; for the first time ever, I feel complete. Like this is what I've been waiting for my entire life. Like this was meant to happen all along. Well you know what they say: 

All things happen for a reason.


	12. Chapter 12- Safe Place

Brendon's POV

Me and Ryan just don't stop looking at each other for like 5 minutes after that and I can't help thinking about where we go from here, over and over and over like a broken record. But this might be my favourite record. I feel so at home while with him. So at home but so lost in his eyes. I don't know, I've never felt like this before. I've read about being in love and stuff but never even imagined I'd come close to feeling remotely attracted to someone, you know. Woah hold the hell up. Love?! Who said anything about love? I mean I don't want to not love Ryan but that just feels alien... foreign to me. I've never even had a friend before and now I'm thinking about love? Maybe I should slow down but I really don't want too. Ugh! why is this so difficult for me to understand that I'm falling for him deeper and deeper every time I think of him. Of course I'm going to fall in love with him but honestly I didn't think it'd be this soon. 

Ryan breaks into a endearing grin; finally breaking the contact his hand had with my neck. Feeling a bit awkward, I let my hand slide down his back in attempt to break the connection, only to make him blush. Aww I love it when he does that. I lift my hand away. We both turn round to face the piano, Ryan still holding onto his favourite school guitar. My hands dance along the keys playing a random little piece of music. I'm so randomly happy right now. I sigh, dragging my breath on. I glance at Ryan to see he's already staring at me. Letting out a grin I snake my arm around his shoulder and both our smiles grew. Returning the favour, he does the same to me. He's so warm and being with him makes me feel safe.

A sharp pain comes rippling through my arm and I flinch violently, jumping back at the sudden agony.

"Argh jesus!" I exclaim, louder than I wanted too. Ryan winces at the raise of my voice and jumps slightly, still sat on the piano seat.

I look down to find blood staining my upper sleeve. Damn! My freshly cleaned wound from my mom's beer bottle has opened and had no hesitation to pierce my body with discomfort. I raise my fingers gingerly to the quickly growing stain. Ryan must have squeezed my arm, not knowing what was lying under my sleeve. A constant reminder of my endless suffering at home.

Confusion and concern was plastered on his face. My breath quickened and my heart started beating out of control. I didn't want anyone to know about my mom. I didn't want to tell anyone about it at all. Without another second to pause and think about what I was doing I ran out of the door, swiping my bag up on the way out. My arm hurts terribly but there's nothing I can do about that.

I ran through the empty corridors like lightning. I thought I was running away from all my problems but I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim... When the gentle breeze of the autumn air hit my skin I knew I had reached the outside. Now what? I run to the only safe pace I can think of. I gather all my stamina and mental stability and try not to burst into a bundle of tears. I run to the bridge.

Ryan's POV

Watching Brendon sprint out of the classroom, I feel my heart sink. Oh my God this is all my fault. What have I done? What If he hates me now? My breath quickly finds an uneven sequence and I feel the tears begin to swamp my vision. There's no Brendon to calm me down now. What have you done you freak? Brendon never wanted to kiss you. He doesn't want your mentally unstable self. I feel my body hit the cold floor and the warmth of Brendon is exorcised out of me by the inevitable feeling of a upcoming panic attack. My arms wrap round my legs and I curl up into a tight little ball on the floor. Tears are flooding out of my eyes now. I hurt him! I hurt him and it was all my fault. What if he was lying about liking me back? What if he-Oh my God. What If he does something? I look at the time on my watch. 20 minutes! That's more than enough time for him to hurt himself. Grabbing my bag I run out the door quickly drying my eyes with the back of my hand.

The first place I think of is to run to Brendon's house. Though I've never been inside, he's mentioned where it was before so I knew where to go. I reach the front of his drive and slow my pace to a quick walk. I knock on the door forcefully. No answer. More panic came to me as I smash my fist to the door, knocking again. Silence.

A sudden thought erupted in my mind as I remember I have a phone. You absolute idiot Ryan you could have called him! I sigh impatiently and frantically search around in my bag for my phone. Dialling his number my senses came back and I allow myself time to calm a little. Ring Ring. This carries on for about 10 seconds before He finally picks up. I sigh in relief hearing his voice.

"Hello?"

"Brendon where the hell are you?!" I shout down the phone.

"Umm I'm at the bridge." Something sounded weird with his voice.

"Okay just-stay there. I'll come and get you." And with that I hang up and set off to find this bridge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~5 minutes~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I finally find the thin stream of water running down the side of the road and follow the trail. I hadn't noticed until now that I was walking quite fast to be honest but that was expected when my best friend is hurt. Eventually I see the faint outline of a boy, sitting slumped on the edge, facing the sunset streamed water. Hearing my foot steps on the old wood symbolising the start of the bridge, his head whips round.

"Hey...hey it's only me." I say trying to calm him. Brendon's anxious but I'm not 100% why. He looks guilty and breaks eye contact with me. Sitting next to him I see the blood stain on his sleeve has grown and the dried tears on his cheeks. Why is he guilty? I reach my hand up, really careful not to touch him without permission. Brendon sees what I'm doing and nods to tell me to proceed. As gently as I can, I lift up his blood stained sleeve and with one hand I hold I above the bandage. Brendon refused to look at me while I examine what lies on his arm. A very bloody bandage was wrapped neatly around his upper arm. Not wanting to hurt him I didn't poke around the wound.

"Brendon...why didn't you tell me about this?" Silence. Sorrow fills his eyes and his gaze followed the water's ripples beneath his feet.

"Who did this?" I know I'm being nosy but what do you expect?! I'm worried about him. I need to know if he's okay at least. I stare intently at him and let his sleeve drop. Bringing my arm down, I wrap my hand around his.

"It-It was... my... my mom."


	13. Chapter 13- Understanding

Brendon's POV

As soon as I said that I knew I shouldn't have. Ryan will definitely not want to be anywhere near me after I tell him the story. Oh God this could go terribly wrong. Even though his hand is clamping tightly around mine I feel like I'm alone again. That terrible feeling when you're technically not and you're reminded that you're not alone but inside you just feel like no one can possibly understand the trauma and pain you go through every single day. I feel his eyes burn into me but I carry on staring at the water below the bridge. 

"Your mum?" He generally seems really confused. I sigh but not in a mean way. You could say I sighed miserably.

"Yeah. And I wasn't prepared to tell anyone this story but I feel like you deserve to know this." I say carefully, trying not to slip up or make him feel uncomfortable. Ryan rubs his thumb delicately over my skin and nods gently. 

"Okay. When I was a young boy, my dad used to be away a lot. It was me and my mom and that was okay. She cared for me and I cared for her. When my dad did come home though, he was always drunk. And really angry." Ryan held onto my hand still and I held onto his. I can feel the lump starting to rise in my throat.

"To take out his anger he used to beat my mom. He used to just come home and scream at us then beat her. Every single time." Tears stream down my face.

"Then one day. We found him, well they did actually. The police. They found him in this river. He killed himself." Sobs escape my mouth and without a word Ryan shuffled round so he could hug me without hurting my arm. I just let the tears leak out and in no attempts did I try to save them from falling. Ryan held me close and I clung onto him like he was the last thing keeping me alive. 

"He didn't even leave a note Ryan he just left us! He just left without a 'goodbye' or an 'I love you' he just fucking left" By this time I was crying my eyes out but I couldn't do anything to stop them. This was way overdue. Even though I felt stupid, I wept on Ryan's shoulder, drenching his t-shirt in salty tears. He was stroking the back of my head and still holding me tight.  
"Shh" He whispers into my ear. 

"After my dad...after he killed himself, my mother started doing the same to me. The only way to get over his death was to drink and take her anger out on me. That's when the beatings started to happen. She beats me-and throws things at me-and kicks me -and"   
I'm cut of by another loud sob. I'm shaking. Ryan is so calm and reassuring. He keeps whispering to me and holding me close and just being amazing in general.   
Calming me down takes some time but eventually Ryan is able too. He takes my hand in his and brushes his thumb up and down over my hand like he always does. His company is almost therapeutic.

I rest my head in the crook of his neck and he rests his head on mine. Careful not to hurt my cut, he puts his arm around me. Snuggling up to him I feel more safe than ever. Ryan hasn't left me through the amounts of times I thought he would. He hasn't made fun of me or judged me. Ryan is the only person who can calm me down. And for that in truly grateful. 

"Ry?"  
"Yeah Bren?"  
"I'm sorry I ran away from you." Wow. They were some of the first words I ever said to him. Now look where we are.

"Hey don't be like that. I don't mind it's fine. And I might not know the feeling of what you're going through but I understand okay? You can always trust me." He says softly. 

"I know I can trust you. You're the only person I do trust." 

"I trust you too Bren." My Moon. Always so sweet.

"Hey Moon?" Ryan's head lifts off mine and looked at me, confused. My mind suddenly catches up to my speech. Shit! I just called him Moon out loud?!?!?! However he just laughs. 

"What did you say?" He chuckles.  
"Ummm...this will sound really really pathetic but...in my head, I kinda have a nickname for you?" I asked, kinda questioning myself if I should really tell him and let him see how much of a loser I am. Well I know he won't leave me.

"Oh yeah? Me too. I have one for you I mean." I giggle and lift my head to look him in the eye. 

"Let's both say it together on the count of three." He agrees and we both count up to 3.

"Moon" "Sun" 

Astonishment filled his eyes and I guess I can say the same for me. Laughter bursts out of both of us and we then realise how strange but similar we both are.

"Hmmm that doesn't sound like a coincidence to me." Says Ryan playfully.

"Oh yeah? How so?" I ask, just as playful as him. He laughs but settled down soon after.

"I really do like you Sun." My heart flutters when he uses that nickname.

"I like you too Moon." Right now feels like the appropriate time so I just go ahead and do it. Bringing my head forward, he does the same and soon our lips are touching again. This time i aren't as hesitant to start moving. When he kisses back I feel something. Joy? Well yeah. Confusion? Not really. Relief? Yeah, that's it. With a dash of surprise tucked in there. 

Again, for the second time we both break away naturally. I wish I could just kiss him all the time. If we were together that would be possible. That reminds me...

"Hey Ry?" He nods, with a grin printed in his face.  
"What does this make us?" I ask curiously, wondering if he wants the same as me. He looks like he's thinking then his cheeks blush a light red.  
"Boyfriends?" His blush grows and my cheeks turn the same colour as his when I answer:  
"Boyfriends."


	14. Chapter 14- Friendly Encounter

Brendon's POV

Me and Ryan are now together and it's been a couple of days since we've last been to the bridge. I don't really need to go there because I've got Ryan to calm me down now. He told me that his panic attacks have stopped happening so often which is great. It really is. I want him to be happy because he makes me like that. Also, I haven't cut in ages which is quite good progress. Sometimes I get the craving too but then I know that Ryan would be disappointed in me. So I don't .

School has been...interesting. Ryan says that in order to keep me safe then we can't let people know we're together. He says he doesn't want me to get hurt. I definitely know I never want him to come close to pain in whatever shape or form. I will protect him from anything. Even if it's my worst nightmare.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been easy at school. How do you think it feels to want to hold and kiss someone all you want but not being able to for their good? Well it feels horrible. Awful. I just wanna... Ughhh. I hope he feels the same. 

Everyday after school we would head down to either Ryan's house or the bridge. I guess you could say it's 'our place' now. It was real hard telling him about my family. I'd never told anyone that before. Plus, I'd never broken down like that in front of him. Alone in my room yeah, but not in the company of someone. I feel like I can trust Ryan with anything.

 

Right now I'm in the kids park sitting on a bench looking over the grassy field that lays ahead of me. Just thinking about nothing in particular I guess. Right as my mind aimlessly wonders back to Ryan (not like he ever left my thoughts) I feel a weight at the other end of the bench. I snap my head up and look in the direction a creak came from. Sat on the opposite end was a boy that looks around my age. He soon notices me looking at him so he turns round to meet my eyes. A friendly smile creeps it's way over his face.

"Hey" He says happily.

"Um hi" I reply, cautiously. Why has this complete stranger just approached me?

 

"I'm Jon, I think I know you from school?" Wait he goes to my school? And he hasn't beaten me up yet? Sounds shifty to me...

 

"Brendon... I haven't seen you round before, you new?"

 

"No I've lived in this city all my life but I'm in the grade below you so you've probably never seen me." Oh that explains why we don't know each other. I swear I see a hint of sadness in his eyes when he said that but I decide to shrug it off.

 

"Oh right. So... what are you doing?" Should I have said that? I don't know its not like I'm used to socialising with anyone else but Ryan.

 

"You know, just thinking. It's quiet round here so no one can interrupt you." Then why are you interrupting me? Shut up Brendon. Actually, this Jon kid seems okay. 

 

"Then why did you come over here?" I ask but not accusingly, just curiously. Jon seems not to notice. Returning my gaze to the field I wait for his reply.

 

"You looked lonely." Wow I guess he can detect emotions from a mile off. He's one of those people. I like those types of people. Ryan says he get it from his mother who can read your feelings in seconds. 

 

"Well Jon, I'm not lonely anymore. Just missing my boyfriend." Well if he's a homophobe then he can get out right now because I aren't going to build a 'friendship' with someone who runs off when they find out I'm gay. Idiots. 

"Oh cool I miss my boyfriend too. He's called Spencer but he goes to a different school." What? Another gay kid that goes to my school? No way! 

"Are you out?" I say abruptly, turning to face him again. He looks at me in confusion.

"What?" He cocks his head to a side.

"Are you out? Like, do people know about your bo- Spencer at school?"

"No wh-"

"Don't tell anyone you'll regret it. Trust me." Sighing, I pull up my t-shirt halfway to reveal some old bruises that I've gotten from being punched or kicked in the gut. Jon gasped and put his hand over his mouth dramatically. 

"O...Okay I won't." He says with less enthusiasm and letting his hand slip down to his lap again. He finally looks back at the wet grass in front of the bench. He looks very deep in thought when he leans forward and put his hands under his chin like he's praying. I take this time to examine our surroundings. Everything's still damp when it rained at 2. There's a really pretty red tree to my left, Jon being on my right.

"Hey, do you want to hang out sometime?" I ask, unsure of his answer. His face lights up.

"Oh yeah totally I'll give you my number right now. Oh I can meet your boyfriend and you can meet Spence! What's your boyfriend called?" I laugh at his enthusiasm towards hanging out.

"Ryan, he's called Ryan. But remember not to tell anyone about us okay? Apart from Spencer but no one at our school can know." He hands me a small slip of paper he just wrote his number on and nods. I smile at him and stand up from my position on the bench. Ohhhhhh it's cold.

"Well I have to go now, my mom will want me home but it was cool meeting you. See you at school." I half lie. Are you kidding? My mom doesn't care where I am but I was starting to get cold and I was clever enough to not bring a jacket.

"Okay see you round Brendon!" He exclaims with a smile, lifting his hand back up to wave. I chuckle and turn to walk away. Well that was quite strange. Not everyday does Brendon Urie go outside to meet a potential friend. The only real friend I've ever had is Ryan and I love that but thinking about it now, it would be cool to have a few friends. I bet that Spencer is nice too. Hmm I'll have to tell Ryan about this little friendly encounter. I can't wait to see Ryan again. Sure, I saw him yesterday but that's not the point. He says he couldn't hang out today because his mom needed him to help sort through the last of the moving boxes they still have lying around. 

I wrap my arms around me and continue walking home.


	15. Chapter 15-Approval

Ryan's POV  
Brendon groaned and collapses onto my bed where I slouch, listening to My Chemical Romance. He sighs one more time and stares at me, exhaustingly.

"What's up with you?" I ask mockingly. He groans again.  
"I'm so tired Ry!" He exclaims and throwing his arms up in the process. I give him a 'do you really want to talk to me about being tired' look and sit up straight.  
"Bren my arms are near falling off because of sorting all them boxes! All you've done is sit the park for a couple of hours staring at the passing leaves!" I complain, pulling him up from his passed out position in my bed. He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on my shoulder.   
"I knoowwww are your arms okay? Do you need more hugs?" He asks while squeezing me even more. Giggling, I attempt to push him off me to, you know, save my lungs from being squished to death. He loosened his grip but still held me pretty tight against his warm body.  
"I met a potential friend today actually. Call that 'just staring at passing leaves'!" He tells me with obvious pride.  
"Hey that's cool, who did you meet?"  
"This guy called Jon. Apparently he's in the grade below us. And he has a boyfriend called Spencer so he sounds kinda cool."   
"Oh yeah can I meet him?"  
"I told him about you and he was pretty excited about meeting you. If we hang out then he could bring his boyfriend too."   
"Yeah that sounds cool." We whisper into each other's ears. I feel his breath on my neck and his legs move. Something cold, solid, and disgustingly wet rubbed against my bare ankle. My eyes glance down to my bed covers.

"Bren you've got mud all over my bed! Why didn't you take your shoes off?!" I exclaim, suddenly very high pitched. Brendon looks down to see the muddy mess he's made and slowly shifts his legs off my bed, completely letting me go. He kicks off his shoes and sits back in the same position. He smiles with guilt embedded into his expression. He giggles nervously.

"Hahh...sorry Ry.." He leans closer, trying his hardest to look cute and innocent. He doesn't really need to try hard though. I lean in, nearly closing the gap between us so we're leaning on each other's foreheads. His eyes look so pretty close up. They look pretty any way you look at them really. Brendon smiles sweetly and presses his lips to mine. Taken by mild surprise, I smile into the kiss. Hearing him chuckle softly, I slide my arms round the back of his neck and he wraps his around my thin waist. He puts slightly more pressure onto my lips but then pulls away much to my displeasure. I grin at him but right then my mum knocks on the door. We both lean back to try and hide the fact we were just kissing and I shout for my mum to come in. She opens the door slowly, her head popping through the gap, grinning happily.   
"Hey you twooo, I thought to celebrate the house being properly sorted out we could all go out for dinner! How does that sound?" She asks very enthusiastically. I look at Brendon who seems very glad to take that offer instead of going home.   
"That sounds awesome, when are we going?" I answer for both of us knowing that Bren would be grateful. He's kinda awkward around other people but so am I and plus, he's cute when he's awkward.   
"Umm how about 15 minutes? It'll give you some time to get ready."   
"Yeah sure sounds good we'll just get changed then we'll meet you downstairs." She nodded then left, leaving the door open a bit. Ugh, hasn't she ever heard of closing the goddamn door? I walk over to my closet and chucked Brendon some clothes to get changed into since that his were all muddy from the park bench. I swear that would only happen to him, how does anyone even get covered in mud anyway? Only Brendon... Wait, my mum coming in reminded me of something. Why hadn't I thought of this before? When are we going to tell her?

"Hey Brendon?"  
"Yeah Ryan?" He smirks.  
"When do -you know- want to tell my mum? About us I mean."   
"Uhh well you can decide really, she's your mother but I think she'l be cool with it. She knows you're gay right?"  
"Yeah she does so she'll be fine with us right? Shall we tell her...tonight maybe?" I offer, shuffling my feet whilst stood over near my closet.  
"Tonight? Yeah yeah its like she's taking us out for that reason" He laughs and gets up to walk out the room with my clothes. I mentally complain that I was going to wear the t-shirt that he took out with him but I don't call after him. I gather my jeans and the shirt I gave to him to wear and got changed quickly in case he came into the room while I was getting changed. That would be super awkward.

A couple minutes pass until we're all buckled up in the car. The seat belt material is really cold against my skin because of the oncoming winter. I shiver and grab hold of Brendon's hand who's sat right next to me, trying to not let my mum see we're holding hands. Brendon's body heat warms me up quickly as my mum drives us through town but even though I'm not cold anymore, I can't stop shaking. It's the nerves you see, I know she already knows I'm gay but what if she changes her mind when she knows I'm serious? If anyone can read my mind, I know I sound really stupid but I can't help but think this way. Brendon seems to be fine about everything and have no trouble being confident. I'm proud of him that he's come so far out from his depression. He deserves to be happy. 

He suddenly lets go of my hand which made me take in our surroundings. We had arrived at our destination: a semi-posh looking restaurant with fake bushes lining the entrance. We all step out of the car and follow my mum inside. All around us were people chatting, laughing, socialising without worry. I don't know why but everyone seems to just turn and look at us, no. At me. I blink and everything turns back to normal. No one is staring at me. Everything is fine. It's just my stupid anxiety playing up. It's all good. I take a reassuring breath and continue to walk.

My mum leads us to a table at the back of the room. It's quieter round this area because no one else is really sitting here. She knows I like it this way so that's why she took us here.   
As time passes, the food we ordered came and my worry begins to grow. I shouldn't really say worry, I'm just nervous. Why wouldn't I be? Brendon's sat right next to me and my mum sat opposite him. I feel his eyes looking at me and I glance at him. He nods so slightly I hardly see it but I know what he means. My hand searches for his under the table. I grab it and squeeze.

"Mum?" I say kinda weakly. Damn I'm nervous. Brendon's hand squeezes back and my mum looks up from her steak.  
"Yeah Hun?" She smiles.  
"Uhhm, me and Brendon kinda want to tell y-you something." She glances between us for a second.  
"Okay, go on." Her smile remains as she ushers me to go on. I look at Brendon and he smiles at me supportingly. Taking deep breathes I continue.  
"Well...we're -like- together, now." Silence lingers over our table. I held my breath as I wait for her reply.  
"Aww honey that's so sweet! I'm telling you I knew something was going on between you too! Just can't hide the love in your eyes can you?" She exclaims excitedly. I sigh a breath of relief and look at Brendon again. He squeezes my hand and I smile at the two people before me. 

"I'm so happy that you've have Brendon Ryro I really am. And I especially approve because I know how sweet you are. Ah I love both of you." She reaches out and pinches both of our cheeked making us both blush. I swear my mother can be so embarrassing sometimes! Gotta love her though. I'm so grateful I was raised by such an open minded, excepting person like her.   
My hand slips out of Brendon's as I pick up my fork again.  
"Thanks mum." I say chuckling a bit.  
"Thanks Miss Ross it means a lot." Brendon pipes up. My mum laughs.  
"Honey you can call me Danielle. Americans are so polite! And your houses are so big too!" She continues rambling along about something or another but In not really paying attention to be honest. I'm just looking backwards and forwards between Brendon and my mum and just asking myself: How did I get so lucky?


	16. Chapter 16- A Loaded God Complex

Brendon's POV 

"Aww honey that's so sweet! I'm telling you I knew something was going on between you too. Just can't keep the love out of your eyes can you?!" Ryan's mom chimes after Ryan tells her the news. I'm so relieved when she says these words. He was so nervous about telling her even though she already knew he was gay. He worries about all the small things and I really wish he wouldn't, it's not good for his pretty little head.   
His mom tells Ryan how much she's proud of him and how happy she is that he's got me. Sitting here, I feel a bit useless and plus I should really say something. Before I could though, Ryan's mom leans over the table and squeezes both our cheeks.   
"Thanks Miss Ross it means a lot." I chime in while Ryan blushes his face off. She tells me to call her Danielle. Well Danielle, thank you for excepting our relationship. Ahh relationship. That sounds good. It feels good too, just to be able to hold him without it being somewhat awkward. Not that we were awkward around each other before. Okay...maybe at first.   
I catch sight of Ryan glancing between his mother and I with an appreciating smile on his face. His eyes glance back at me and I meet them, smiling back at him. We both can only use one hand to eat our meals with because our other hands have each other's in them. I like it better like this anyway. 

The night goes on and I can tell Ryan keeps getting embarrassed by his mom squealing every 5 minutes when we make eye contact. She can't help it though. Just too overwhelmed by our cute gayness.  
When it was time to go (after Ryan and his Mom had finished and after I had eaten all that I thought I should) we collect our belongings from our table and head towards the exit. Ryan's mom however had to just 'nip to the loo' so me and Ryan just wait outside. It was frosty outside and the icy wind surprised us both. Huddling closer together I squeeze his hand and he grips back. Communication goals. I look over at him and see the wind tugging through his hair, whipping it in every direction possible. His honey eyes gleam as they squint away from the cold. He looks so handsome. 

The street was busy with hustling people carrying bags and pushing push-chairs. They were all wearing quite bright colours so it didn't surprise me when 2 individuals stood out from the crowd, wearing all black. Wait, were they walking towards us? I squint my eyes trying to see who it was in this dark setting. Shit. Oh no. It's them. Well half of them that is.   
I tug on Ryan's arm to get his attention. He looks over and alarm filled his eyes when he saw what I was seeing. Josh and Tyler were walking swiftly in our direction, stopping about a metre in front of us. Smirks fill their smug faces.

"Oh look who we bumped into." Sneers Tyler. Ryan's hand was crushing mine but I didn't mind since I was probably squeezing his to death in return. Josh's gaze follows my arm down to where our hands were. His eyes are fixed there with a disgusted expression. He nudges Tyler and points to us. He mutters something in his ear but so quiet that we weren't able to hear. Whatever it was, it made Tyler laugh. It soon disintegrates into eerily silence right as he raises his fist above where Ryan stands suddenly. I quickly grabbed Ryan by his shoulder and pull him out of the way, determined to save my boyfriend. Tyler's fist cracked against the brick wall behind us and he retaliates abruptly. Josh steps forward and aggressively takes me by my neck and thrusts me against the wall. Using his other hand he smashed his fist into my cheek so fast I didn't have time to react. I don't care about the smack of pain right now, I look over to see Ryan standing there, unharmed with Tyler grasping his hand in pain. 'Ha' I think, 'now you see what it's like'.   
Josh releases me roughly and I slide down the wall clutching my jaw. Josh turns to Tyler to see if his hand is okay and Ryan crouches down next to me.  
"Oh my God Bren and you okay?!" He asks in distress. His eyes are full of panic and his hands lift mine off my face and examine my upcoming bruise. His gentle touch grazes against my skin and sends shivers down my spine. He looks over at the two cowardly boys in black.  
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" Woaah I'm surprised a voice that loud can come from such a little guy.   
"JUST GET OUTTA HERE OKAY? JUST GO!" He screams, still holding me on the floor.  
"You won't be seeing any of us round any more Urie, much to our disliking." Hisses Tyler in my direction. We aren't going to see them anymore? They must have seen the confusion on both of our faces.  
"We've been kicked out dumbass! Apparently the school actually excepts faggots like you!" Josh yells. Before we got a chance to answer, a voice from behind us beats us to it.   
"Sorry! I was catching up with- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" Ryan's mom screeches at the duo after assessing the situation. It's not that hard to guess what happened if you walked out and saw me and Ryan huddled on the floor with two angry looking thugs towering over us. Why no one else noticed us I don't know. I'm just glad his mom did. And she looks angry.   
"You better get out of my sight right now or I'll call the police." His mom hisses through her teeth, seething with anger. To be honest it was quite amusing seeing their faces flash with fear just before they sprinted in the opposite direction. She holds out her hand for us to help ourselves up with. Concern plasters her face and Ryan is still clinging to my arm.   
"Oh Brendon honey are you alright?"   
I nod but it hurts. I wince in pain and turn my head to look at Ryan. He sighs, shakes his head sadly and rests his head on my shoulder up to my neck.   
She sighs.  
"I think it's best if you stay the night at ours. Would that be okay?" She asks softly.  
"Yeah, thank you Mi-Danielle." She places her hand on my cheek. You know, that thing parents do?   
"Come on, let's get to the car."   
Ryan lifts his head reluctantly off my shoulder and holds my hand tightly.  
"I'm sorry that happened Bren." He mutters apologetically.   
"No that wasn't your fault don't blame yourself Ry." We were both silent after that. 

All the way back Ryan's mom kept asking if I 'was sure I was okay' and no matter how many times I said yes she still wouldn't stop asking. I guess she's just a really caring woman. I bet that's where Ryan gets it from. 

The hot air has a burning affect on my skin when I walk through the front door into the house because it's so cold outside. Ryan and I both drop our jackets and shoes off at the door (remembering from the mud incident earlier) and hurry upstairs to get changed.   
Ryan crashes down onto his bed like I did earlier and I sit down exhaustingly, my jaw hurting less.   
"Well at least we don't have to see them again right?" Ryan offers.  
"Yeah I hope so." He climbs off his bed and opens his wardrobe chucking me the same pair of pyjamas I wore last time I slept over. I chuckle and he spins round.  
"You have washed these right?" I say jokingly.  
"Actually I've worn them twice since then, it makes me feel less lonely." He replies, smiling shyly.  
"Oh you mean like your vanilla scented deodorant?" I laugh but he just gives me a soft glare and turn round to get his own PJ's. Once he's picked out the best ones, he comes and sits next to me. Awkward silence fills the room. Okay, maybe we can still be awkward, but only a little bit. I knew what he was thinking.  
"So like...now that we're boyfriends.. do we like- get changed in the same room now?" He asks, very unsure of himself but hey, I was thinking it too.  
"Ummmm I guess so but you don't have to if you don't want too."  
"No it's fine it's okay." He says quickly. My eyebrow rises and his cheeks blush red. Maybe he said that a bit too quickly...   
"Why don't uh, I get changed facing away from you and you get changed facing away from me. Just for now I mean." Wow yeah great idea Brendon. So original. Not like you've seen it in like all movies. However, Ryan just smiles.  
"Yeah sounds good."   
We get changed while the awkward silence returns. After we're both finished doing the night routine (brushing teeth etc) we say goodnight to Ryan's mother and head into bed, sharing of course. As soon as my head hits the pillow I start to realise how tired I am. Must have been the hit from earlier.  
"Hey Moon? What time is it?" I mumble once he's tucked neatly inside the covers with me.  
"It's..." He cranes his neck to see the alarm clock sat of his pile of CD's, "Nine in the afternoon." I snort, is he serious?  
"What?! That's not a time!" I giggle and he looks at me very confused.  
"Wha- yes it is!"   
"No Ry, it's not. Honestly, you English people and your stupid words and wrong times." I say between laughter. He giggles and snuggles up more to me so his head is against my collar bone, our arms around each other.   
"It is a time."   
"No it's not"  
"It is though"  
"But it isn't though"  
"It is"  
"It's not"  
"It is"  
"It isn't"  
"Whatever" he whines against my chest. Sneakily, I bring my arm down to his side and tickle him softly. He squeaks and squirms to get away from me but I still have my other arm to hold him with. He giggles uncontrollably while trying to push my hand away. I guess he must have squirmed a bit too far because all of a sudden he wasn't in the bed anymore. A loud thump filled the room. Looking down at the ground I see a very perplexed Ryan, huddled up in a part of his duvet that tumbled off with him. Seeing him like that was the funniest thing I had ever seen and I burst out into laughter.  
"Oh my God Ryan and you okay?" I can barely get the words out because I'm laughing so much. He gives me an unamused look and stands back up to slide into the bed with me.   
"Hey Moon? Please forget to fall down." One last burst of laughter erupted from my lungs because I mean come on, that was the best thing to be said in that situation.   
I calm down soon though and when I have Ryan looks up at me from our previous position.  
"Hey Sun? I hate you." He smiles sarcastically and buries his head into my neck. I, however, grab his chin and pull his head up gently so I can press my lips to his. He kisses back softly. He can say he hates me all he wants but I can still feel him smiling into the kiss. Our lips made contact for only about 6 seconds before he pulls away and buries his head against me once again

"Aww..I hate you too." I say with a grin. Those were the last thing I said to him before we both drifted off to sleep.


	17. Chapter 17- Mornings In Antarctica

Ryan's POV

Beams of sunlight glare into my eyes as I struggle to open them. What a lovely wake up call: being blinded by the only speck of light through the curtains. I feel the warmth around me and didn't really want to leave my cave of comfort to shut the curtains a bit more. Turning my head I see the stupid light is bothering Brendon in his sleep, I lay back down but facing in his direction. He frowns lightly. The things I do for him, honestly... (Very) reluctantly poking my arm out of the covers, I feel the icy air wrap it's way around my skin. Goosebumps soon appear as I attempt to reach over to the curtains, trying to reveal less skin as possible to the room's frosty temperature. I groan softly trying not to wake Brendon when I except that I was going to actually sit up to close the curtains even more. Me and him must have swapped places in our sleep because I certainly remember falling off the other side of the bed last night.   
Even more reluctantly than last time I sit up, instantly regretting my decision when the cold bites into the rest of my body. As quickly as possible I snap the curtains shut and retreat back to Brendon's warmth. Shivering, I huddle into him trying to savour more heat. The cold has a big effect on me, I'm thin okay?!

As I start to gain body heat again I start to think why the rooms so cold anyway. Mum almost always has the heating on in the morning. I wonder what the special occasion is. I look back up at Brendon and suddenly remember what happened outside of the restaurant yesterday when I see the dark purple bruise spread across his cheek and leading down to his jawline. It seems to have formed over night because it wasn't that bad yesterday. I hope he's not in pain. He doesn't look in pain right now though. In his sleep he looks so peaceful like he's having a good dream somewhere in that clever mind of his. Never underestimate Brendon's mind, he's actually pretty wise. He definitely looks more settled now that I closed the unfortunate gap in the curtains. You're welcome.

A noise fills the room and I snap my head up from carefully examining my boyfriends face, only to find my mum peeping through the crack between the wall and the door. I instantly relax but give her a disapproving look. However, she just smiles proudly.

"Morniiiing!" She whispers excitingly.   
"Why the hell is it so cold in here?!" I whisper back. It's way too early for this. And cold.  
"I turned the heating off because I read on the internet that the cold would help meld bruises. I thought Brendon would appreciate that." I mentally face palm and sigh.  
"Mum...it meant ice packs not turning the house into Antarctica!" Confusion then hesitation then understanding flashes over her face in a mere second. I could literally see the moment when it clicked in her brain.   
"Ohh, in that case I'll just go turn the heating back on and make you two cuties some breakfast!" She gestures to sleeping Brendon and then to me, her half awake, half dying of frost bite son. You think I'm over exaggerating? Not in the slightest. My mum disappears behind the door and I hear her echoing footsteps leading down the stairs to tell me she's gone. Right at that moment, Brendon stretches in his sleep and brings his arms up, lightly punching me in the face in the process. This guy! He takes his time opening his eyes and seems quite alarmed to wake up and find me glaring over him. How did he not wake up from the lack of heat anyway?   
"So first you tickle me, make me fall out of bed, argue with me about time, make me get up to close the curtains so you didn't wake up which made me freezing, and now punched me in the face? Thanks Bren I appreciate it." I say sarcastically, raising my eyebrows in question.   
"I didn't punch you, did I?" He asks. He doesn't have a clue.  
"Yeah you stretched in your sleep and hit me."  
"Sorry Ryyyyyy. Do you want to hug about it? It will make you warmer I promise." I smile and gladly take up his offer. I flop down next to him and let his arms snake around me. Ahhhh he's so warm. Like the Sun I guess.  
"Jesus Christ your freezing!" He exclaims, tightening his grip round my body.   
"I told you didn't I?" I mumble against his chest like last night.  
"Why is it so cold in here anyway?"  
"Just my mum not turning the heating on. She thought that the house being cold would help your bruise to heal."  
"Oh I forgot about that. You did tell her that that isn't what your supposed to do right?"  
"Yeah she went down to put the heating on again, she's making us breakfast too."  
"Haha okay... Does my bruise look bad?" He asks, suddenly concerned.  
"Well it's purple but nothing could ever make you look bad." Wow cheeky Ryan. I guess it's not cheeky when the person you compliment is your boyfriend. I love calling him that.

We decide to stay in bed for another half hour or so since that it was only about 9 when I woke up and plus, why would anyone want to get out of bed into the cold. In that half hour, the heaters warm up and spread warm air around my room.   
Eventually we decide to get up (with a little persuasion from the smell of bacon coming from downstairs). Brendon wears the clothes that he wore yesterday which were no longer covered in mud for some reason and I wear my Fall Out Boy t-shit along with black jeans. We get changed in the same room again but still facing away from each other. 

I straighten my hair while Brendon waits for me on my bed. I don't know why but whenever he comes over he always has to make the bed. It's weird. 

Once I'm done I turn to find my eyeliner pencil to find Brendon is already examining it. I smile and remember the first time he slept here. I did his eyeliner for him.  
"Do you want me to do it for you?" I ask, gesturing to the jet black pencil in his hands. He looks up and I know he remembers that time too because of the smile on his face. Nodding, he comes over to me and hands me the pencil. I lift my hand up and apply the makeup carefully, my other hand resting on the back of his head. He really suits eyeliner, I might buy him some...

Finishing up, I look into his eyes properly only to find he's staring right back at me. My hand meets my other as I bring my head forward slowly and kiss him gently. Kissing me back just as gentle, his arms wrap around my middle making me melt into the contact. I feel his lips turn up at the edges into a smile. I break away just to see him smiling. I don't ever want to miss that. Brendon Urie's smile is one of the prettiest things you will ever see. I can promise you that. 

"Boys! Breakfast is ready!" My mum calls up from the kitchen. He drops his arms down and takes my hand instead. As we exit the room I turn to him.  
"You know, i wanted to kiss you the first time I did your eyeliner." I admit, chuckling nervously.  
"As did I my dear friend, as did I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter just as a filler but it was meant to be really long and plus I am so cold right now so yeah


	18. Chapter 18- Awkward Beginnings

Ryan's POV

We sit at the wooden table enjoying our breakfast. It's the weekend still so we can take all the time in the world. Brendon sits opposite to me and my mum sits next to him.   
It's about 11 now and the rain outside is not hesitating to make the loudest noises bouncing off the roof and the windows. It was sunny this morning and everything! I thought it would be a nice day to go out -to the bridge maybe- but not now. The look of the weather has met its temperature.

My mum finishes her breakfast before both of us so she leaves the table and goes to clean up, leaving me and Brendon by our selves.   
"What do you want to do today?" I ask.  
"Ummm I don't know, the weathers not very nice is it?"   
"No..." I suddenly remember what he had said yesterday about being at the park. He made a friend didn't he? Jon or something?  
"Hey do you still have that guys number, the one you met at the park?"  
"Yeah I do. You want me to see if he can hang out?" 

I don't know why but I get very shy all of a sudden and then remember that...I'm not that good at socialising with new people. Brendon seems to read my mind.  
"We don't have too if you don't want but if you do decide, I'll be there too." He says reassuringly, reaching over the table to grab my hand. Thinking about it, it wouldn't be that bad right? I know he isn't going to be homophobic and I've got Brendon here with me. It's not that bad.  
"It's okay we can hang out with him, thanks Bren." I love that he knows me and he knows my anxiety. He doesn't force me into things and he understands when it takes over sometimes. My Sun will always be there to calm me down. And I love that. 

"I'll text him now. He's actually really energetic so just be expecting that." He laughs sweetly. 

A couple minutes pass in silence until Brendon's phone buzzed, vibrating the whole table and making me jump violently, nearly falling off my chair. Why do I keep doing that?   
Sitting back up, I give Brendon an unamused look. He's just sat there laughing at me! Damn him but if I had just seen him nearly fall off his chair I would be on the floor laughing my head off to be honest.

"Oh sweet Jon can hang out and he said Spencer -his boyfriend- can come too!" He exclaims happily. Yay! I'm glad we might have some new friends. The only real friend I've ever had is Brendon and he's my absolute best friend ever.   
"Oh cool! Just tell them to come to this address whenever they're ready." I add, standing up to put my plate in the sink. Il wash it later. 

I saw Brendon was finished as well and collected his plate from the table too.   
I feel a pair of arms wrap round me from behind when I put that in the sink too. His breath tingles round my ear as I hear his whisper in my ears softly:

"They're gonna be here in 15 minutes"   
Shivers creep down my back and he starts swaying us slowly to the sweet melody of the comfortable silence around us. A warm sensation appears on my left cheek and I feel Brendon's lips press against it, wiping all history of shivers from my body as I melt into his arms like I always do at his touch. 

Most people would judge us because we haven't been together that long, or known each other for not more than a month but I truly believe that I'm starting to fall in love with him. I like him so much and I really really hope that he's starting to feel the same.

I don't know what it is but whenever I'm with him I just feel like I'm honestly happy and that doesn't come very often with anxiety like mine. He's changed that about me though. I feel happier because I know he won't leave me (though sometimes I do think of it and how shattered that would leave me). 

His arms unravel from around my body and the weight of his chin is lifts from my shoulder. I turn back around and reach up to his face. Brendon leans in and pecks me on the lips, quickly retreating to the sofa, pushing himself over it so he flops rather loudly onto it.

He practically lives at my house now and my mum doesn't mind, she loves Brendon and I really don't mind of course I don't. I'd much prefer him to be here with me than back at such an unsafe environment like his house. But why can't he sit on the couch like a normal person? Beats me.

He reaches over dramatically for the remote and changes the TV channel to Kerrang. His simple smile grows into a huge grin.

"OMG Ry it's Kellin!!!"   
"Oooo I didn't know you were such a fan of little Quinny here." I reply, flopping down next to him.  
"Duh of course it's Kellin."   
"I hope I don't have to be jealous of him" I say sticking my bottom lip out. Brendon shoves his shoulder into mine playfully and cocks his head to one side.  
"Aww he has Vic anyways so it's all good and gay in here." I mentally scold him for laughing at his own joke but I didn't have time too as the doorbells monotone vibrations rang through my ears. Brendon leapt up, dragging me with him. Ugh I just sat down as well.

"Your in luck Bren, it's about to get even more gay."   
He chuckles as he opens the door to reveal two boys around our age. The taller of the two stood slightly behind the other.   
He had light blue eyes and hazel hair with the beginning of a beard starting from the top of his neck to under his chin.   
The boy stood in front of him was just a bit smaller and had eyes the same colour of his boyfriends hair with his hair colour similar but lighter. He had a certain glint in his eyes that told me this was the excitable Jon Brendon was talking about.

"Hiiiiiii! Come in!" He greets them both with a wave, swinging the door open more.  
"Hi! This is Spencer, he's my boyfriend." Jon tells us, more to me I think because Brendon already knows about Spencer. So did I but Jon didn't know that. 

Meanwhile, I was stood kinda behind Brendon awkwardly, figuring I should probably say something. I take a small step forward and smile invitingly. Should I shake their hands? Is that what people do? 

"Heyy... I'm Ryan..." Damn I said that so quite why do I have to be like this? Jon and Spencer both turn their attention to me puzzlingly. I guess they were trying to make sense of what I just said. Trying to fix the situation, I held my hand out hesitantly for a handshake but was not expecting a fist in a return. 

My face quickly grew red as I assess what just happened. My hand shake had been met with a fist-bump. Oh my God. This is the worst thing ever. I let go of Jon's hand and lower my hand swiftly. He did the same. His face however didn't look like it had been in the sun for way too long as it's so red.

Brendon just laughed at our awkward introduction and shook Spencer's hand without a problem. That would only happen to me.   
"Yeah so this is Ryyyyyan he's quite shy." Brendon introduces me because I failed for the first time. I nod and shuffle backwards, using Brendon as a guard again. 

"Aww Spence used to be shy but then I finally broke through to the adorableness!" Jon says in attempts to break the somewhat awkward silence. It was bound to be awkward anyway. Brendon hardly knew Jon and I didn't know either of them. Hopefully that can change I guess. 

I smile at all three of them and realise it was up to me to say something else.  
"Um do you want to c-come upstairs?" I stutter. In response, I get three nods so I lead them all to my room. As soon as I open my door I hear Spencer and Jon hum happily. 

"Dude your room's so cool!" Spencer says, gazing at all the posters me and Brendon had put up previously this week. I've got to say I was quite proud.   
"You listen to the same bands as us? That's awesome!" Chimes Jon.

"Yeah you like My Chem too?" I ask, a little more confident that before.   
"Yeah we love them and Fob and practically all these bands." Replies Spencer.   
Me and Brendon sit down on my bed, gesturing for the other two boys to sit down too. They look at my bed then give us a confused look. Seeing the mud Brendon had stained on my covers from yesterday, I chuckle quietly and explain to them it's just mud that Brendon carelessly got onto my bed.  
Damn him and his shoes. I thought it would have magically come off by this morning.

For hours all four of us were all cooped up in my room just talking about random things (mostly music) and we all got along really well. Spencer was nice but quieter than I expected seeing as his boyfriend is really active and out going. They made a good couple I can tell.   
It turns out that we all play different instruments and that's pretty odd and quite rare too. I just think it's cool and the fact we got along so well redeemed me from the not-so-good start we got off on. I hope somewhere in the near future we can all become really good friends.


	19. Chapter 19- My Brains Are Sick But That's Okay

(Trigger Warning) 

Brendon's POV

"Byee!! See you at school tomorrow Jon!"   
Me and Ryan stand in his doorway, leaning against his doorframe. Jon and Spencer wave back at us and begin strolling down the street hand in hand. They make such a cute couple I swear to god. No ones cuter than me and Ry though. We are the best. Okay...maybe second place to Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump.

Ryan closes the door after him and smiles at me widely.   
"That went interestingly." 

"You mean that awkward fist to palm collision? Yeah that was the best of introductions Ryro." Never underestimate the undeniable force of sarcasm in me. I will use it to the death of I have too. I guess it's lucky Ryan's just as sarcastic as me.

"Ha ha very funny" He shoots back "But you know that's what my mum calls me right?" 

"What- Ryro?" I ask while I could feel a blush creeping up onto my cheeks. It's like calling a teacher mom. Oops. Accidental flashback to 6th grade.

"Yeah but you can call me that it's okay" He smiles amusingly and leans back against the back of the front door. Oh shit! I just remembered I need to be home. Each and every Sunday I've made it my priorities to check in on my mom. No matter what I just don't feel right not knowing she's safe. I know it'l cost me and I know she doesn't care about me, neither does she care about how her recent condition is effecting my life. The only thing she cares for is her alcohol. If my dad hadn't- 

"Bren?" Ryan snaps his fingers in front of my eyes. I focus back on reality and I was met with his concerned eyes staring at me.   
"Sorry I-I just zoned out there. I just remembered I need to go home sorry Ry." I say, distantly. He furrows his eyebrows and still looks worried. Ryan always worries too much though. I wish he wouldn't.

"Your going to be safe right?" His question soaked with care and worry. I know I have to lie. I can't let him worry about me of all people. I don't deserve it and it's unnecessary to shake the unstable walls of his anxiety. God knows why we would do if they fell down all together.

"Yeah I'll be safe it's fine she won't be there." I lie. I've always known I was a good lier but lying to Ryan just feels wrong. It's for the best though. Seeing the relief on his face hurts me even more. He's going to see the bruises tomorrow and know what happened. 

I fetch my bag from his room and meet him back downstairs to say bye. His arms lock me in a cage of safety and I enjoy the care while it lasts. 

I hug him back tightly and plant a soft kiss on his cheek, feeling his face heat up as I pull away. Awwww he's blushing again. So goddamn cute and he can't even control it. 

"I'll see you at school tomorrow okay?" I say as I mentally prepare myself for the short-but-long walk back to my mums house. I guess I've stopped calling my house because I don't exactly live there really. Besides, I don't want too.

"Yeah see you tomorrow."   
His hand slipped back out of mine when I slid out of his doorway and out on the cold streets of our neighbourhood. We kiss goodbye sweetly then Ryan closes the door. 

The last thing he said to me was spoken so dreamily. It's like he honestly really wants to see me tomorrow. I wonder if he'll ever get bored of seeing me. I wonder how long that'll take before I get too annoying to be around anymore. I wonder if he thinks I'm too much already... Dammit Brendon! You're not even 5 steps off his driveway and you've already made yourself feel sick!

Okay just calm yourself. Chill out. Ryan still likes you as far as you know.   
This is so stupid. I'm talking to myself inside my head. That's got to be counted as insane. Maybe you are insane. It would explain a lot of things. Like how sometimes death seems better than the migraine in your head. Like how you hate eating in front of other people. How you hate eating all together. How you hate how you look and your voice and your weight. Like how you hate yourself. 

My lungs fill and then deflate. I have these thoughts so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought. My iPod. Music always helps when the thoughts get too much. It's like an invisible barrier that stops my tears from actually leaving my eyes. However, it doesn't stop my eyes from just watering though. And it's not like I have it on me right now.

My pace seems to quicken as I find the thought of being at my moms house a lot more desirable now I'm nearly crying in public. Why does this always happen? I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone. I long for that feeling to not feel at all. The higher I get the lower I sink. I can't drown my demons...they know how to swim. 

Being left alone is my weakest point. I hate it and it doesn't matter who I'm with. I get scared. 

Nearly there Brendon. 1 more street. We've made it this far. I hope Ryan is okay. What are you talking about? Of course he's okay. He's without you.

The front door swings open and I stumble inside very unstable. My legs won't obey me and neither will my mind. Seeing my mom passed out on the sofa, her breath slow and an open bottle in her hand, takes me upstairs. I try to be quiet and I guess it works while I make my way to the ghost of my room. 

It's so abandoned now. I only visit it a couple of times a week. Clothes of every shade of black are thrown across the floor and my bed. My books and movie cases are scattered on the floor and my lamp is even broken. Great.

Over the years my bed has just become that place where I go to cry. It sounds depressing but everyone has one. Noting this, I crumble down onto the messy sheets. There's no holding them back. Tears flood out of my eyes and the thoughts have come back again. 

Ryan's so better off without you. He doesn't even want you there. You know how he wanted you to stop cutting? He lied. He's lying to you. You should cut again. It will make him happy and the pain will make you feel less numb. Do it. It's better for everyone.

Painful memories suddenly find their way back into my vision. Oh memories, where'd you go? You were all I'd ever known.  
Before I knew what was happening, the white walls of my bathroom surround me and my cabinet is open. I'm searching for something. It's like a trance I'm in because I can't stop; my depression and the voice in my mind is driving this energy out of me. Anyway, I never said I wanted to stop.

After a minute or two of looking I finally find what I've been craving for weeks. The sharp blade of metal. So cold and relieving. It's never been easy to admit that this inanimate object has basically become my best and only friend. I hope I'm not my only friend...

Of course you are. No one else can put up with you at all. It's best just to hurt yourself so no one else can hurt you. By the time Ryan leaves you you'll already be broken so you won't feel the hurt anyway. It's a perfect plan Brendon. You just need to do it. 

I raise the metal and hover it over my left arm. It's been so long since I did this. There's no shame in starting again. Without hesitation, I bring it down and slowly drag it across the sensitive skin of my wrist. And again. And again. It takes a moment for the blood to appear but when it does, I feel truly relieved. 

The crimson liquid rolls down my arm and splashes down all together, landing on the once white floor. The whole process is far too familiar to me. I drop the blade into the sink. Blood continues spilling out. 

You see? The blood is the tears you're too weak to spill. I told you didn't I. This is better for everyone. 

My legs fail to keep me standing as I slide down the wall, hitting the hard tiles with a thud. I think you should do something about your weight too. Did you hear the noise you made when you hit the floor? Too loud Brendon. Stop eating. You'll save your money and your moms money too. Ryan will hate you less. Trust me. I know these things.

"Leave me alone" I whine between empty sobs desperately trying to make the voice stop.   
You can't stop me Brendon. I'm you. I'm your mind.

"Get out!" The scream came from my mouth. I don't care if I wake my mom at this point I just need it to get out of my head. Why is it there? I need help.  
That's why I'm here. To help. If you listen to me I'll help you. Don't panic, no. Not yet. 

My loud sobs echo around the room. How is this possible? Why can't I control it? This is not what I had planned.

This is not what I had planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ik stupid author notes but I'm sorry for not updating. Anyway also sorry for the events of this chapter. If it triggered you and you want to talk about it you can message me and I'll do my best to message back as soon as possible. Hope you have a good day/night and happy holidays!


	20. Chapter 20- Oblivious

 

Ryan's POV

 

The school bell rings through the building and the stray conversations around the room start to pick up volume. I didn't care about any of them though. All that was going through my mind was how Brendon was acting. Normally on the way to school we would speak ,even if it was only a couple of words, but this morning he didn't speak to me at all. 

It's most likely all my fault. But what did I do? I'm so confused. Perhaps I should actually ask him what's up. I'm too scared that he'll leave me all alone like he promised not too. Wait, he wouldn't have promised if he wasn't going to keep it, right?

 

I made my way slowly through the overcrowded hallway, attempting to at least reach the doors of the canteen. It's really great at lunch now because Brendon, Jon and I have our own table and no one else sits on it. 

Actually, everything's been great now that Josh, Tyler, Alex, and Jack have been kicked out this hell hole. Brendon doesn't have to worry about getting caught up by them or anything. Jon was pretty glad too. I've noticed that now them four have left, no one else has even mentioned anything about our relationship or sexuality. Bren and I don't exactly try to keep it hidden anymore. There's no point really.

 

I push passed a bunch of giggling girls and eventually found myself in the canteen. It only took me a few weeks to get used to this place and know where everything is. I'm quite proud (if I do say so my self). For quite a huge school, it's interior isn't as complex as you might think. 

The science corridor linked to maths, maths linked to English, English to music and drama, music and drama to technology then back to maths. Of course there are stairs and stuff in between but it's that simple. 

However, the hidden music rooms that me and Brendon use are called 'hidden' for a reason. You have to find the right door in the drama department then go down some stairs then enter a code onto another door then there's a series of old music rooms. 

Brendon says that no one knows because in the summer of 2001, the whole building burned to the ground. Them rooms and a few metal lockers were the only thing that survived the ruthless war of flames. He said everyone just forgot they were there and built over it. 

God knows how he knows these things. He can be so mysterious sometimes. I make a mental note to ask him about it later. For now: finding our goddamn table in amongst hundreds of other tables that are identical.

 

A powerful force knocks into my right shoulder and down to the ground I went. Oooowww.

 

"Oh my god I'm so s- Ryan? What the fuck are you doing on the floor?" 

 

"Bren? You idiot, you knocked me down when you barged into my shoulder!"

 

"Oohh yeah that makes sense. I was looking for you actually, where were you at?"

 

"Can we like -not- have a conversation sitting on the floor surrounded by angry teenagers?"

"Yeaaa good point." My lovable boyfriend says looking extremely innocent. He proceeds to get up, only it's quite difficult since the crowd around us is making that quite impossible. Brendon struggles for a moment more before inevitably giving up and sinking back to the floor. This guy. In that moment, a familiar, amused face appears in the crowd.

 

"What on earth are you two losers doing on the floor?" Jon asks, slightly confused. I think he understood when I shot an accusing look at Brendon. Jon didn't exactly help our situation though as he just stood there laughing like a kid watching their morning cartoons. I look over at Brendon and to my surprise he's just sat there not laughing at all, instead he plays with his fingers. Actually, he looks quite... sad? Guilty? But why? It wasn't his fault he got pushed into me.

 

I would do anything to know what he was thinking. You see, that's the thing with anxiety. You wish so hard that you can know what other people are thinking about you, but when you finally find out, your illness takes it and analyses it so much you wish you never knew.

"Helloooooo?? Who died down there? You both look like someone just told you you could never listen to Pierce The Veil again." Jon states, holding his hand out for one of us to take. Brendon snaps back into reality and gladly takes it. Once he's up he helps me without another word, and leads us to our table; our original destination. 

Silence takes its toll again. Me and Jon bring out our packed lunches but Brendon doesn't. Okay so first he won't talk, he zoned out a lot and now he's not eating? What's up with him? Did I do something?

"Aren't you hungry?" I ask quietly, resting my hand around his right  wrist. His head whips up and for a second I was sure I could read- fear? Oh my god! Is my own boyfriend, my Sun, afraid of me?

"Um no actually I had a pretty big breakfast... That's why I didn't speak  
to you on the way here by the way. I really didn't feel well.." Brendon explains. Even though I guess he did make a valid point, something inside me just doesn't think it's right? I don't know it's probably stupid. It's just my anxiety speaking. Brendon isn't hiding anything from me. He wouldn't...would he?

"Jesus what is wrong with you two today? It's like someone swapped your personality with Bella from Twilight. Are you guys like, okay?" That's something about Jon you notice after a while. He does like comparing things to each other.

"Uhh yeah Jon. We- we're great." I answer when I was sure Brendon wasn't going to. Normally, he's the vocal one. You know, maybe he is just feeling ill. I shouldn't be doubting him at all. What kind of a boyfriend am I when I can't even trust Brendon? Okay from now on, I'll trust him with whatever he says. This will strengthen our relationship and be sure to help it grow. I'm positive of it.

I slip my hand down from his wrist to his hand and lace his fingers with mine, as to show physically what just went through my mind. I lean into his warm shoulder and rest my head lightly onto his shoulder. Jon's face lights up when Brendon throws his arm around my shoulder in response to my sudden affection. He's so waaaarm. It comes in handy when I'm the coldest person. Ever.

"UUGHHH you two are so cute what the hell." He exaggerates.

"We know Jon. We know. Hey, why don't you just get Spencer to move to this school? Didn't you say that he didn't like it there? Plus, he only loves a couple of streets away. It'd make sense." I suggest. Wouldn't it be great if we were all here? 

His giddy face lights up again.  
"OHHHHHHH dude that is such a good idea omg!!!!!! I'll talk to him tonight about it. His parents are cool like that too, they'd be sure to let him move!" Wow i never knew a guy other than Brendon could squeal so much. Why didn't I think of it sooner? Oh yeah. We've only be friends for a couple of days. 

I feel Brendon's shoulder shake slightly and I knew he broke into one of his cute little giggles. Brendon is soo the cute one in this relationship, even though he tells me frequently that I'm the cute one. 

Jon grins back and so do I. Damn this whole 'friend' thing is actually really awesome. Plus they don't make fun of me for my accent! Bren does sometimes but he's allowed. 

Sometimes, I really do think that I'm falling in love with him. Neither of us have said it yet and I don't think It's the right time yet though. I hope it can be soon. And I hope he feels the same way as strongly as I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SEEING TØP LIVE I CANT WAIT!!! Also, does anyone else think that my writing is getting better or is it the same crap as chapter 1? I know this chapter sucks but you know I tried.


	21. Chapter 21- An Exchanging of Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just saying thank you to everyone who has left kudos on this story and especially thanks to Kendall who's comments made my day :) Comments are my favourite thing so they're very much appreciated! Thank you

Ryan's POV 

"Dare me to jump off this Jersey bridge, I bet you've never had a Friday night like this"

I swear to Gerard Way this song has been in my head for about a week ever since Jon mentioned Spencer being a king or something, I don't know he's a bit weird.

"Dude shut up singing that song already you aren't even singing Kellin's part right!" Criticizes Brendon with obvious irritation. 

"I can't help it! And I don't exactly have the amount of pure talent that Kellin does. Or Vic for that matter." I reply as I swing the old guitar over my shoulder and go to join him on the piano. Over these few months I've decided that this one I my favourite, the old, rundown, and kinda shabby one. It's always appeared to have character to me. Yeah yeah, it's an inanimate object but you know what I mean. Brendon's hands slip over the keys delicately.

 

"Where were we at in that song again?" I ask while playing the into to 'Wake me up when September ends'

 

"Ummmmm it was right after the watermelon smiles bit I think. Hey, wouldn't it be great to be in a band one day? Like a real famous band? OMG I could meet Kellin! And then he would take us on tour with him and - " Brendon sighs lovingly and buries his head into his hands.

 

"Yeah? Who'd be In this band with you?"

 

"You, Jon, and Spencer obviously! You know I was actually in this stupid little band when I was like 12. There was this guy called Brent and he turned out to be a right prick. That little shit stole my Oreos! So I quite the band." He retells the story like its some ancient scroll he's reciting or something. Always so dramatic but I love it.

 

"Pfft what would I do in this made up band of yours? Wait did you really quit the band because some guy stole your Oreos? " 

 

"Yeah! I'm telling you Ry this guy was bad news. You'd totally play guitar and be the lead singer obviously!" 

 

"WHAT I can't sing for shit Bren you know that!"

His head whipped round and he gaped (or should I say 'gayped') at me in absolute shock. WhAT? He knows I don't like my voice. I literally sound like someone  attempting to sound like Mark Hoppus on helium. Badly. I wish I had a better voice that sang some better words.

The next few minutes was spent  arguing over who has a better voice out of us two. I definitely vote Brendon all the way but he isn't having any of it. Remember that time I had to sing the words to his song because he started crying so he couldn't sing it? Yeah, I totally ruined the song. Team Brendon all the way wooooo!!!

Before I knew it, the song we had been previously writing was actually nearly finished and I had fallen in love with it. Our lyrics put together was the most perfect thing. It's art. My favourite artist is Brendon. Music to me will always be my favourite form of art and I don't honestly understand when someone says the only art is a painting or drawing. Some people must be so closed minded.

Thinking about it, I don't even know where my love for music even came from. My mum only willingly plays cheesy 80's music and my dad... I don't even know what he was into. Never really spent that much time around him so I didn't even get to know his favourite colour, or takeaway food, or favourite Christmas film or what he thought of me at all. He could have hated me with a passion for all I know.

Anyway, my parent status is far more privileged than Brendon's. His own dad jumped off a bridge and his mum abuses him whenever he sticks around long enough at home for christs sake. I can and will never be able to understand what that feels like. Never in a million years. 

However, I know that he thinks he's not loved by anyone. That's a lie. And I've thought about it for a long time. I've had debates with myself whether it's too soon but it's already been months since we first met. 

People always say: 'Oh you're too young to be in love' or 'don't you think it's a bit soon?' But the real truth is that love shouldn't have a boundary. It shouldn't be like a ride at the fair saying you have to be this old to experience it. It's a feeling for gods sake and a pretty powerful one. You'll never know it's happened until you turn around and notice all these signs you've never noticed before. And if Brendon feels unloved, someone's going have to make up for his mothers lost words, his fathers constant reminder of how he's not there to show Brendon he loves him. I need to show that I love him. The horrible, on-going problem is, I don't know how to tell him. 

I know my anxiety is improving and everything but I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words in my head: "I love you", "I don't" 

What if he thinks it's too fast anyway?  
It's hardly like I'm asking him to move in with me ( he practically does anyway) but you know. It's like kissing him for the first time, telling my mum about us, even starting my first day at this school. 

Wait...all them things ended up good, right? So it's exactly like that. I need to tell him. And soon. I need someone to help me plan everything if I want to make it special.

I need to talk to Jon.


	22. Chapter 22- Mechanical Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its been a while and this chapters not so good but comment and stuff if you liked it :D

Ryan's POV

Ryan: Joooooon I need heeeelp.

Jon: Omg what do u want

Ryan: Okay so it's quite a long story well not really but it kinda is

Jon: idc go on

Ryan: Ok so like I want to plan something special for Brendon but I honestly have no idea what to do, don't tell him or anything but like I need help planning it and things, I was hoping you and Spence could help me.

Jon: OOOO yas bitch il help, imma get ma boi spencer on the line 1 sec

Ryan: ugh fine just don't tell Brendon.

Jon: I wont, find ur chill m9

 

I sigh, stretching my arms over my head. The TV set a low grumble over the room. My mum insisted on watching Ghost Adventures because its 'so interesting'. I don't mind really. Who needs sleep anyway? It's not like she pays any attention to it, what's happening on Facebook with 'Sharon, Mark and the kids' is way more important. Everyday parent things I guess.

"Mum what's for dinner?" I ask, reluctantly peeling myself off the sofa and slipping my phone into my jeans pocket. I slide over to the fridge in my socks and search for the milk. Cold puffs of air dominate my surroundings as goose bumps appear over my arms. 

Ugh the milks not here. I turn round to ask her again but see the milk out of the corner of my eye. Why was it in the bread basket?

"Mum why was the milk in the bread basket?" Silence.

"mUM" Ugh, one of these 'ignore Ryan for Facebook' zones. I'm way too familiar with these. 

"Me and Brendon are engaged."

"I'm pregnant..." Wow I thought that would work. What on earth can be so interesting? Wait. I know. She definitely wont ignore me this time.

I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the consequences that most definitely await me.

"I... I didn't wash the dishes like you asked me too." A piercing glare shot right through me from across the room suddenly, filling the scene with tension. Her phone dropped down onto the couch with a soft thud. 

 

"You...Didn't...What?" She asks with obvious annoyance. I flash a cheesy grin while putting the milk where its supposed to be rather than the bread basket. A slight giggle slips through my mouth.

"I did, I just wanted your attention. What's for dinner?" 

"Well I'm sorry but there was a dog video on my phone that needed to be watched, even if you were pregnant that dog was cute." Of course she'd be ignoring me for a dog. That's so like my mother. She suddenly gasps and shoots a hand up to her mouth. Oh no.

"You and Brendon... you haven't...you know... done...it, have you?" Mum staggers out, eyes wide. 

"Wh- Mum! No! Wha- why would you ask that?!" What kind of a question is that!? The most intimate thing me and Brendon have done is kiss (passionately), but still! I don't think Brendon would even want that anyway.

"Ryan if your being unsafe I need to know so I can buy you protection I know you don't have any, I need to know these things I'm your mother!" She exclaims, jumping up from her cozy position on the sofa. Down goes her phone.

"Mum! Me and Brendon haven't done- it okay? I don't need protection we haven't done anything like that." I say as my face glows red and I begin to scramble over to the stairs. That's enough to awkward 'talks' with my mum for today. Or ever, preferably.

Hearing an exaggerated angry hum from behind me, I take it as my cue to retreat to my room. Quick before she starts about my grades.

"At least tell me before you do!" Oh my god did she just ask me to tell her that? Do normal mums do this?

I slump down on my bed, filling the embarrassing silence with a high pitched creak. My phone vibrates in my pocket violently. 

 

Jon: Ok so me and ma boi came up with a few things but we want to discuss with u first k?

 

Ryan: Uhhh yeah that's fine omg i'm really excited. Do you want to come over around 4? 

I glance over at my vinyl clock. Quarter past 4, that gives me enough time to tidy my room, I think. Brendon made quite a mess of it trying to find my missing Sleeping With Sirens album. I kept trying to tell him it wouldn't be in the laundry but noooooo. 

Jon: Yeah that's cool, Spencer can't be here until later though, that cool? <3

 

Ryan: yeah that's fine i'll just go tell my mum xD

 

Jon: omg its a mom not mum

 

Ryan: shut up im English 

 

Jon: Ohhhh yeah in England do you have loads of tea?

I swear to god Jon can be the most idiotic person... I chuck my phone down onto my bed, honestly just ignoring Jon's stupid questions. Why on earth do people have so many stereotypes about England and tea? We don't even like tea that much? 

"MUUUUMMMM!"

"Yeah they can come over!" Well that was easier than expected. Sighing, I leap up to (attempt) to tidy my room before Jon comes over.

\--------------

The doorbell rings and the sound echoes around my now tidy bedroom. That would have been so much easier if Brendon hadn't been here previously, not that I don't absolutely love him being here. I chuck the final book over to my windowsill and charge down the stairs to open the door. Jon was wearing a bright red hoodie with black jeans with an obvious giddy grin that he carries round with him everywhere. 

"Hey, what's up?" I ask, moving to one side and letting him in.

"Hey! I'm good thanks how are you?" He replies, enthusiasm smothered in his words. Yeah he's normally excitable but wow he must have a really good idea for this Brendon thing. Even I'm excited to know what they've come up with. I hope Brendon appreciates what I'm going to do even though I don't know what it is yet, I'm sure it'll be special.

"Awesome ok lets go upstairs!"


	23. Chapter 23- Split Scenes

Brendon's POV

 

The unwanted voice in my head has chilled out a bit now. After about a week of stupid comments it decided it was enough to leave me mentally unstable and unable to trust anymore. Great. 

Yeah, that last weeks been quite tough, I haven't told Ryan or anyone because I don't want him to worry. I'm okay now anyway. I just hope it won't come back.

Ryan says tomorrow will be a special day because he's taking me out somewhere and it's going to be 'awesomely awesome'. I don't even know what's going to happen or where he's taking me but I'm really looking forward to it. Ugh I love him. And yes, I have admitted that to myself...just not to him, Not yet. Hopefully soon but I don't want to scare him or anything. I just love him a lot and want him to be happy.

Ryan's POV

"Wow yeah that's the best idea I've ever heard. Thanks so much you two omg, it's going to be amazing" I say, very excited at the idea of taking Brendon out. A text was sent to him about half an hour ago explaining about tomorrow but not telling what we're doing. It's going to be a surprise and no matter how much I'm excited, nothing will stop me from feeling just a little nervous. I mean, I'm telling him I love him. Yeah, I know whatever happens he'll still be there but... I don't know. I'm so excited though!

"Yeah it's gonna be pretty awesome, text us before you set off?" Spencer says.

"Will do, I can't wait. Wait, do you have the blankets? And you definitely know that truck is available? And that it's a clear night?" I ramble. Oh God if it goes wrong, the whole night will be ruined.

"Ryan, I promise. Me and Jon have got everything ready. It's going to be perfect."

*

Brendon's POV

"Where are we going? Pleeaaassse tell me!" I chime, still bopping my head to the relatively loud music in the truck. Not Ryan's truck of course but he said he borrowed it 'from a friend'. EEEKKKK I'm so excited where are we going?

"Bren, I'm not telling you, you frigging turtle. It's called a surprise for a reason." He replies but most of his attention is on the road. Driving's pretty hard for him as he moved to America around the time most of us started driving lessons so he's a few lessons behind. He does well though and I completely trust him. I groan, pretending to be annoyed. Ryan smiles his beautiful smile but still shakes his head. Did I tell you he looks spectacular tonight? His hair's perfect along with everything else about him. I'm so lucky.

*

Round about half an hour later, Ryan stops the truck. It's dark outside so I cant really see anything but I can vaguely make out the outline of some trees? Seat belts are released and so are we as we both slam the truck doors behind us. I look around and see... nothing. Nothing but the silent trees swaying gracefully in the slight breeze, and the sky. Oh... the sky. The beautiful light shines down from the stars above us, creating a flawless masterpiece of beams. It almost looks like the opening to heaven. The artful crystals are dotted round the dark night sky. So beautiful. Not to mention the moon. Big and beaming, it's mocking rays spreading out all across the sky, the whole scene is perfect. 

Ryan comes round the side of the pickup truck and takes my shivering hand, leading me to the back of it. He rips the waterproof sheet off of it and shoves that back into the front seat. There lies blankets, loads of them. It only takes another gaze at the view to realise where he has brought me.

You see, there's this cliff. A huge, tall cliff looking over the woods I think. It's where everyone goes to get away, you only understand why once you've seen it at night and on a night like this. And now, I understand.

We climb in and surround ourselves in fluffy blankets. Not a word has been said since we arrived but have a feeling he wants to talk about something. 

"Ryan. It's beautiful." I whisper. I don't want to disturb the peaceful nature taking shelter here of course. His smile shines brighter than any star and he squeezes my hand delicately. I love him. I really do.

"Brendon, I-I brought you here to tell you something. A- and it's been on my mind for a while now, I just couldn't bare not telling you. So, that's why we're here." He shuffles his posture against the side of truck and held my hand firmer.

I don't really know what to feel right now apart from love. I know it's not anything bad because of the gentleness of his voice. Plus, I know when something's up with him and now is not one of them times. I guess he takes my silence as a cue to carry on when he continues.

"So, I know you love the night sky and everything so I knew you'd like it here. I just need to tell you this one thing." His voice is shaking and I don't really know what's coming. The silence is so peaceful in this delicate moment. I can see the moons reflection in Ryan's eyes as he turns to face me.

"Brendon,

I love you."


	24. Chapter 24- The End

Brendon's POV

10 Years Later...

The stars still shine in his eyes from that night, the first night he told me he loves me. I can still see them now, in this moment. My graceful Moon glides towards me in blissful sways; his smile as beautiful as always. As he drifts towards me at an unbearably slow speed, my heart beats so fast. Almost as fast as I fell for him... 

The watchful eyes surround us, subtle whispers fill the air. Cheerful smiles are spread in all directions. My eyes only left my groom once, my mother was in the front row, her smile was the happiest of all apart from Ryan of course. As the pair got closer to the alter, Ryan's mom gave him a reassuring squeeze before joining my mom. It was time.

A loud voice boomed around the hall but my attention stood wholly on the stunning boy in front of me. Our hands locked in an unforgettable trance, mimicking our eyes alliance. 

"I love you so much" I whisper to him, automatically widening his grin. Almost as a response, his eyes gleamed with tears. It's overwhelming you know, how overpowering love can feel. You will only know when you feel it. In my teenage years I never expected to feel this towards another boy, never mind for him to love me back, but now, I have changed my perspective. They said I couldn't fall in love again but I do. I fall in love every time I see him.

The ceremony was beautiful , our vows exchanged and true, our love sealed with a kiss. A kiss as powerful as the end of time. But its not the end, it's merely the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking your time to read this. It means so much to me and extra thanks if you leave comments or anything like that. -Your Author


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